I Still Got It!

Today has been gloriously devoid of anything resembling serious adult responsibility, except for a quick 20-minute run to the grocery store for hamburger meat to grill out. Because I only needed a few items, yet live a few miles out of town, I went to the store closest to our house. It's one I've never been to before because their prices are generally akin to buying books for college. Oh, what met me there! Literally.

I was serenely perusing the bread aisle in search of buns (hamburger, that is) that would be pleasing to all when I caught the shadow of a tall male approaching me out of my periphreal vision. Almost before I had time to register the source of the figure, a friendly, fast-talking man stood face to face with me. "Hi." He said. "I know this may seem a little forward and all, but I just watched you as you walked in here from your car and I know this may sound a little forward, but you know, I just said to myself that you are a fine looking woman and I just decided the only way to get to know you a little is to just come up and introduce myself and say "Hi."

As he spoke the man was standing a foot or two away from me with his right hand resting on the side of my shopping cart, mere inches from my purse handles. Right or wrong, my instincts told me there was the possibility, given this man was barely a nudge beyond puberty and I am, well, cresting the summit of the mountain of life, that this guy really wanted my purse more than he wanted me.

He continued before I could formulate a response.

"My name is D. and I know this sounds forward and all (for the 3rd time! ha ha), but I just thought to myself, you know, I am 22 years old now and being 22, I feel that I am at an age where, you know, I just gotta assert myself, you know and if I find that a girl is pretty, I just gotta tell her so. Otherwise, how could I at least see if something could maybe go on between us. You know? So, anyway, I know you're probably just a little bit older than me, but I'd like to ask you out. I'd like to show you around a bit. Or, you know, maybe since you're older than me (um, yeah, point taken), you could probably show me a thing or two."

Normally, my chin would have been hanging on the ground in astonishment, but honestly, I couldn't shake the feeling that if I were to divert eye contact for even a split second, I may suddenly lose my ability to fork out the dough needed to feed my family. So I did what I do when I am feeling both suspicious and amused - I smiled. And made direct eye contact. Which I only hope was not egging the whole thing on.

In my friendliest tone I offered, "Well, I would show you to slow it down a little bit, take a little time. Yeah. This is coming on kinda strong. And you otherwise strike me as a very friendly guy, except that maybe you're trying a little too hard." Then we both laughed.

"Yeah. Really, I hope you'll take me for how I meant it. You're just a beautiful woman. And, I mean, I don't know if you're already hooked up or what (to which I'm thinking YEAH, BUT YOU HAVEN'T STOPPED TALKING LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO TELL YOU) but you know, if you'd like, I'd love to ask you out, you know, if you're not together with someone yet."

"Well, yes, I am happily married and I have three children."

"Wow! D*@#! No, I would not have thought that. I mean, well you're just real pretty. And I don't go for that, but, you know, I hope that even if this can't be that at least, you know, I can at least offer you a compliment that might help your day, because, you know, even if it can't lead to nothing, I think it's still good to let people know what you think and hopefully make them feel good anyway. I mean, if you feel you can give someone a good compliment and they can maybe know they have a reason to feel good, then why not, you know what I mean. So hey, I mean, you have a great day. O.K.?"

And as quickly as his shadow had appeared into the corner of my eye, he disappeared out the front doors of the store. Without my purse. And I couldn't help but chuckle when he left, realizing that was the most awkwardly delivered "compliment" I have ever received!

Or maybe I was just laughing inside at such a funny prospect. I find myself at an age when I can't even figure out if I have just been hit on by some romantically challenged, well-meaning young guy OR - am I finally getting old enough to look like a easily targeted, mentally distracted victim? One thing is for sure. At least I know I still got it! (My purse, that is!)