HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAITH!!!

My Dear, Sweet Little Lollipop,

Everybody always says they can't think of just one favorite thing they like most about someone they love so much. There are just too many good things to pick from. But I can.

It's your laugh. You have absolutely the purest, most genuine laugh that I've ever heard! It is at once robust and girly, sincere and infectious and I have NEVER ONCE been able to keep from smiling when I hear it! Not even on my darkest days.

You are a joy from top to bottom! A "favorite" just means that it is the best of many good attributes - and you are full of them!

I know it might not be your favorite thing, but I LOVE the way your freckles dot only one side of your face! It reminds me so much of your life. From one angle you look so grown up, and it reminds me of how gracefully you are maturing into a classy young lady. But on the freckled side, I still get to enjoy you as the carefree little girl deserving of all life's innocence for just a bit longer.

And I love those ADORABLE round little buns in a bathing suit! I'm sorry, but I do! You CRACK ME UP when you do "squeezy cheeks," when you lock those knees together and scrunch your buns up, walking in little baby steps like a Chinese woman while speaking hilarious stories in that IMPECCABLE British accent! Oh, my, word - how you can make me laugh! You are SO FUNNY!

And smart. I've been blown away by all you've learned this year Biblically. You have such great questions and you never settle for the simple explanation. You want to know WHY you should believe what you are told and I LOVE THAT! Your teachers are equally as blown away with the depth of spiritual understanding you can garner and even explain to others from your Bible lessons. God has given you tremendous insight in this area, and I am so proud of you for using it for humble purposes and honest living.

This year, you have also practiced courage in a way that has made me so proud of you! You had a rough year last year, but you have never used that as an excuse. I have heard that the definition of courage is not the lack of fear. But that it is fearing the unknown and facing it anyway. You have been the absolute embodiment of courage by that definition and I couldn't be prouder! God richly rewarded you for it this year, too.

I guess every Mom wants to be the one to give her daughter the present that her daughter likes better than all the rest for her birthday. But this year, you got one even greater than the one that Daddy and I have picked out for you. God gave you Jenny. I LOVE to watch the two of you riding your bikes down the street together, giggling about secrets that only the two of you know. I love watching your matching pigtails bob up and down as you pedal, shadowing the tassels hanging from your handle bars. Your fair hair and skin color and her dark hair and complexion, often in matching outfits. God has given you the joy of a best friend. Jenny was the answer to some of my most earnest prayers for you.

My prayers for you are many and they always will be. I want you to be happy and grounded and for the deep love that we have for you to always be apparent to you! I want the world to be kind to you. You are such a vital part of it. The world is such a sunny place in the spot where you stand. You are amazing to me in every way! So humble and forgiving and sharing and kind. So encouraging and funny and smart. Like I always say, you are SWEET ON A STICK - forever our LOLLIPOP!

HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL!

WE LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF OUR HEARTS!

A BLESSING EVEN BIGGER

There is not another person on earth who has probably even noticed. It seems like such an insignificant thing, but to me it represents the quiet smile of God reminding me of His presence after such a long and trying past month. August 5th is on a Sunday, our Lord's Day. And it will be the three month anniversary of my daughter's salvation. I just think it is a special small fact that God ordained before time to have that milestone occur on a Sunday, where I will have time to focus so fully on what a blessing her conversion has been.

I used to say that the single most important event in my life was coming to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I don't say it because it's the "right" thing to say or because it's the "Christian" thing to believe. I say it because it's true. Without that day, January 2, 1994, there would have been no wedding day, no births of my children, no certain unique experiences God has allowed us to have. At least not ones covered in the knowledge of his Mercy. I KNOW that my life would have taken an altogether different direction - because so VERY many of the choices I have made since that day have not been my choices at all, but His. Choices I didn't understand or necessarily even trust at the time that I made them. But I trusted Him, so I followed and was blessed beyond anything I could have imagined. I was also tried more than I ever expected. But I have ALWAYS been about doing my best, even as a lost heathen muddling through this old world, and I believe that the greater callings require greater sacrifice. (Thank you, God, for our voluntary military! They are my heroes. Please keep them safe.)

But three months ago, in the dark of midnight with quiet tears of joy dotting my cheeks, all I could think was "THIS beats even my own salvation. THIS is the GREATEST blessing I will ever be handed." Watching these A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, emerging young sinful saints covered in grace ETERNALLY! And knowing that my God, the Almighty Alpha and Omega, is developing in them a unique plan that no one else on this Earth can fulfill. And that He's actually allowing me to have an unearned, undeserved part in it all! I lay there most of that night considering my family's past, how NONE of us had any sort of a testimony at all and really NO KNOWLEDGE of who Jesus Christ was. I had heard His name, but never in conjunction with the word Savior. I knew there was Him and Moses and Jonah and Jonah had an ark, whatever that was. But I couldn't have told you what else any of them were known for or who was the more important of the three.

But as I prayed that night I thought about the story I'd read several times by now about Moses. How he'd offered to take the punishment of death and hell for the sins of his people the Israelites if God would just forgive them once again. (Exo. 32:32) I'd always wondered how any human gets that kind of a love, that would give up his own salvation for the redemption of another. I believe Moses knew and believed that God would not take his salvation away because I believe he knew that it was not based upon his own actions in the first place. But he was willing. And now I understand that urgency, because it's how I feel about my own children. They are God's, but they are a heritage from the Lord. (Psa. 127:3) Not just a gift, but a HERITAGE. A glimpse into all the wonder of God's parental side. Children, I believe, teach us as much about the love of God for us than anything else ever could. And they teach us how to love more like Christ just in their existing. How could Moses and how can I love that much? The answer is the same as it is for EVERYTHING.

J E S U S

On the day that my daughter gave her life away to God on Cinco de Mayo of this year, God answered MANY prayers. First and foremost, He answered her prayer to come into her heart and cleanse her of her sins and teach her to walk in His ways. But he also answered prayers I have uttered since before even becoming pregnant. My best friend miscarried her first baby just weeks after I miscarried our second. She said to me, as she tried to find comfort, "I prayed to God that he would never let us have a child that wouldn't decide to one day become a Christian. Maybe even this is an answer to my prayers." As sad as that sounds, I think every loving Christian mother understands her thinking. Having my children come to know TRUE salvation apart from religion has been the one prayer I have asked for them since before they were knit together in my womb.

My older son made his commitment to Christ the Friday before Thanksgiving of 2004. It was equally as exciting for days and months like with my daughter. But he has always been a naturally compliant kid. Of course, one sin makes us fall short of the glory of God. His salvation was every bit as necessary as with my daughter! It meant every bit as much. But my daughter is the one I worried more about needing Divine guidance through her life with her choices. She just has more of a personality that wants to jump in and try new things and think through the consequences later. Or she did. God has done a MIGHTY work in this sweet girl. She is so thoughtful in her actions, so measured now in her decisions. She was the first to go to her room and pray for her parents when she saw that we were struggling to maintain a rational level to our "discussion" the other day. She radiates her Lord! She is still ornery and funny and still loves a good time. And she is still ornery. And ornery. But she puts Jesus first. If it will not bring honor to Him, she more often no longer finds an action worth it. She bears fruit. She is a new creature, created in Christ Jesus. And I will be eternally grateful to my Savior for getting to be there when the cocoon, the shroud of sin, broke, and that exquisite new creation emerged. She still sins. She still gets into trouble and irritates her brothers less frequently, but she now CARES. She is repentant, rather than so disturbingly delighted at her fleshly actions.

Our family, the one I am in and the one I am from has a legacy now of being ones who want to follow Jesus. Ones who are known for reading their Bibles and going to church and trying their best to respond to things according to Scripture. Sometimes we follow Jesus on our hands and knees begging. Sometimes we follow Him after getting lost at the detours. So often we get distracted, take our eyes off Him and tend to forget where we are going. But He doesn't. He's promised to seal us unto the day of redemption. (Eph. 4:30; II Tim. 1:12) We're sometimes lost on the trail, but He isn't. He promised to get us home safely. I trust Him to be able to do that despite how I walk. I am crippled and lame and clueless so often and my stride in the race looks more like a drunk on a storm-tossed ship than a graceful sprint. At times, so will my sons'. So will my daughter's. But I won't leave them alone on the side of the road just because they stumble. In fact, that just makes me as a parent want to help them all the more. They may eventually sometime look like a heap of useless clay laying alongside the road, but that's my heritage there in that heap. I want to wait and be patient and help them to their feet those times more than any other. That's my parental side. That's what it means to be CREATED IN HIS IMAGE. I am like that because He is like that and I was made to be like Him. He is the Light. That bright beacon guiding us Home. And I am just ecstatic that my older children's eyes have been opened to see that Light. No longer must they rely solely on a stronger but stumbling runner to pull them along. Now they have that brighter beacon than myself to guide them along as well. And that is most surely my most favorite blessing.

A Sick Boy, A Super Dad, and A Ball Game - Lord Willing

It's a crazy crazy crazy crazy day in our household. Tonight, for the first time since the scheduled June 6 start date, our little guy is getting to play t-ball! For six looooooong rainy weeks, he has waited patiently and sometimes not so patiently to finally get to don his uniform and take the field. (He is asking me how much longer every 10-20 minutes. This can get a little annoying, but honestly I love it.) He has wanted to play ball since he was old enough to talk and now the night is finally here - a double header!

My husband will be coming home early to take him. Originally I was to take him to his first game and hubs would show up for the second after work, but Dalton (our 10-y-o) has come down with the meanest sickness he has had in at least 4 or 5 years. He is vomiting, even water, and his fever has reached a whopping 104 degrees! (This is particularly concerning to us, because as an infant he spent his very first Christmas Day in the emergency room when he fell semi-conscious due to a fever reaching 107. His body does not fight fevers very efficiently.) So I am not willing to leave the room from him until he begins to improve enough to retain liquids. The doctor is not sending us to the ER for now, but is prescribing a medication to help with the nausea in hopes of keeping him hydrated while "waiting out the bug."

In the meantime, hubby just went back to work this week after nearly 4 weeks off for bad weather (he runs a construction company) and his morning started off with two trucks stuck in the mud for two hours so far. This means the concrete is setting up INSIDE of the drum while everyone scrambles to figure out what to do. It's several thousand dollars worth of concrete sitting there, the job was already started so he can't quit midway through, but he can't eat the cost of it either. (These NO-FAULT situations are the worst, because a decision can't be made until everyone agrees on who will pay for it.) Through all of this, he is trying SO HARD to resolve it in time to actually make money today so his guys can get paid, and yet make it home in time to ensure our son's dreams of his very first big ball game are not dashed. His priorities were not always so aligned. I am both proud and IMMENSELY grateful that he is making such a hard effort on such a hot and problem-filled day!

As nutty as all of this sounds, it is a life style that we have lived for quite some time. It is stressful, and often quite aggravating, but it no longer throws us into panic mode. It's actually become the kind of routine we have become accustomed to. Not every day, thank goodness. But often enough to make us realize that EVEN this kind of a day will be O.K. in the end. Or it won't. It may stay terrible and get even worse. But even then, God will have His way. It will ultimately be what is best for us. And it will teach us something more about Him if we let it. That is the part we have to constantly remind ourselves. We are learning the best response is to just say "oh, well" and try to smile.

And, hey, at least it's not raining!

Edit to Add:

Dalton's nurse called and wanted us to get to a particular intermediate emergency facility. (Like an after hours, with more x-ray technology and where he could stay overnight if needed, but not one of our major hospitals.) She called ahead to tell them he was coming because the pediatrician did think he needed to be seen sooner rather than later.

Everything is fine. They are glad we came in tonight as opposed to tomorrow because Dalton was beginning to dehydrate. Thankfully, we should be able to treat him with nausea medication as opposed to IV since we caught things early. Hopefully, with the medication, he will be able to retain his fluids and his fever reducer more effectively. (His temp was VERY high.) He is now snoring peacefully while I prepare him a fruit smoothie. (He's had nothing to eat in 3 days and wanted something a bit more substantial than water, now that he's on the medication.)

One big blessing was that the physician who saw us was the same surgeon who sewed up our younger son's lip when he fell against a swing set three years ago. In our town of nearly 100,000, I know that God orchestrated that. He didn't remember us until I reminded him how shocked I had been to learn they use cocaine as a blood vessel constrictant in treating bloody wounds. It was nice to have someone treating Dalton who we had already had such a great experience with. He is a very compassionate doctor toward his patients and their families.

We arrived home from the doctor simultaneously to my husband pulling in from the game with Justice. He was every single tiny bit as excited as I hoped and assumed he would be! He has relayed all the details of all the individual plays to each one of us separately and to Grandma by phone. And he's already counting the days (by each twenty minute increment) until Thursday night's practice!

Field of Dreams....But Not The Sleeping Kind

Pics to follow - I used a disposable and need to have it developed.

Have you ever waited for YEARS to finally get to do something you have been looking forward to with unrestrainable anticipation? Most of us might think of graduating college or having a baby or meeting a family member. For my fifth grade son, it wasn't something quite so weighty, but he had been looking forward to last night since he first joined Cub Scouts in kindergarten! Our city's Triple A baseball team hosts the Cubscouts one night each summer for a sleepover in their outfield. Every year, my son has wanted very badly to attend and every year our answer has been the same. "When you are a Webelo, we'll go." Last year, my son became a Webelo, but we were smack in the middle of moving and could not logistically work it out. He had a very fun alternative, though.

So I was sweating it last week, realizing there had been so much rain and flooding. This was my son's last year to be able to attend, and I was praying hard. It turns out the smart folks down at the ball field have been not only covering the infield during the rains, but last week they began covering the outfield as well. My son has been talking about this night since he was little bitty. He could not wait!

What delicious weather the departed rains gave us for our Big Night! Instead of our usual sweltering 100 degrees by this time of year, the high yesterday was about 78! My husband has been working extra long hours the past three days to make up work after 3 1/2 weeks off, so he wasn't too keen on attending the game with us. He loves baseball all right. What he doesn't love is my daughter not loving it so much. She is a girly girl through and through and has a tough time appreciating the point of sitting in a stadium chair for three hours "watching guys spit and swing at a ball." I really wanted my husband to go, because we were going to have to walk through some parking lots late after the game to retrieve our things for camping and there are a lot of bars in the vicinity of the ball park. So I was thrilled when my niece called my daughter to come over and play and my SIL and BIL offered to keep her until 11p last night despite their many errands.

As my husband and I set out with the boys for downtown, we realized that was probably the first time it had ever been the four us without our daughter. It felt sort of weird. As we arrived downtown, we stumbled across a parade of shiny speedboats showcasing their grit through the streets before today's big race. And Oh My Word, I could do a whole other post on the traffic and parking nightmare that ensued but the details are much to tedious and gor*y. Suffice it to say, it took us about 40 minutes, a policeman, and some illegal driving maneuvers (condoned by the policeman) to go around the block once.

It was nice to get into our favorite Mexican food restaurant and consume the most delicious fajitas anywhere in these parts! (And these parts are rather expert at fajitas in general.) It was not so nice to be hounded by the "balloon boy" as my husband so affectionately dubbed him, a forty-ish year old man who was undoubtedly just trying to make a living. But our boys are too big for balloon animals and we couldn't carry them into the stadium and besides all that he insulted me when I very politely told him "no thank you."! To the point my hubby looked at me with saucer-sized eyes right in front of him to show his surprise at the man's manners. No worry. I was here for my son's big outing and I was not going to let "balloon boy" spoil our fun!

We left the restaurant stuffed like it was our last meal on Earth and headed for the stadium. Excitement was everywhere! It's one of the things I have always adored about baseball. Besides being a brilliant game anyway (the strategy of ONE MAN against a whole team at any given moment, but part of a team of his own - brilliant - the stark difference between offense and defense), I love all of the hoopla that surrounds it. The promotions, the giveaways, the games played on top of the dugout during inning changes, the fan participation, the music, and the mascot. And what other sport lets players eat while they play? Fun I tell you! Last night was "Child Advocacy night." So the kids each scored free ball caps, rubber bracelets and t-shirt jerseys with our team's logo, plus membership into their kids' club at a seriously discounted price. The game was great! Several outstanding plays, only one questionable call, and our team won in overtime. The boys seemed to come within inches of catching a foul ball so many times! (Maybe some day.) Plus our old neighbors spotted us while they were working a booth and came over the last five innings to catch up and trade new addresses.

Now it was time for the camp out! My hubby and younger son walked us back to our car where Dalton and I loaded in and headed over to the VIP lot. We sat in the car and watched the fireworks display from the staging area. It was fun to watch the motorized "gun machine" shoot out fireworks in perfect patterns, then watch the night glow from such a close distance. Next we headed back into the stadium, sleeping bags and tent in tow. We were taken to the VIP Sponsors' balcony overlooking the first base line and treated to popcorn, lemonade and cookies the size of my face! (Those didn't look so good after such a big dinner.) Dalton and I had the lemonade and then headed for the field to be one of the first to pick our spot. We needed extra time to e*re*ct the tent since we had just purchased it that afternoon. (The 16 man we bought for our youth group retreats just didn't seem that practical.) The tent was easy until the last step when the stadium lights were shut off to start the movie. Thankfully about 5 other people had purchased the same tent on the way to the game as well, so together we all helped each other to figure it out!

As "Little Big League" began to play on the scoreboard, the boys ran around the great big outfield, living every little boy's dream! I think all girls have fant*as*ize*d at one time or another about living at the mall and every little boy wonders what it would be like to live at the ball field! How I enjoyed listening to Dalton as he detailed this wish out loud! "Our bedrooms could be in the sky boxes and we could visit a different concession for each meal and my friends could come over and play ball anytime......."

None of Dalton's Pack members showed up for this camp out this year and I was the only mother there without her husband (one of three ladies total), but Dalton didn't mope. I was SO PROUD of him for getting out there and involving himself with his new friends. They played tag amongst the tents and shone flashlights at the police chopper overhead who was saying "hello" with his own spotlight. But mostly, they just threw the ball around and envisioned it all being real. Dalton also shared his ball with several little kids who hadn't brought equipment and treated them to an impromptu training camp pitching against the padded wall. He has always loved teaching and leadership. I milled around and met some of the other parents from other towns in our metro, then fought sleep watching the movie.

Finally at about 2:40am, the movie ended and Dalton came back to the tent. We had sweet, quiet discussion about blessings and being together before he picked up his new video game to play a little. Then he asked, "Mom. I never have pulled an all nighter. Do you care if I try to stay up all night?" He's growing up so fast. I looked at the clock. It was 3:06 and wake up was scheduled for 6:30 anyway. "Naaaah. But I'm going to have to try to sleep just a little so stay in the tent, O.K?" "Yes ma'am."

I fell asleep so contented to be on this soft grass next to my first born.

This morning, we woke with the sun, minutes before the ball field started piping "Journey" over the loudspeakers. Dalton hadn't quite made it. He said he fell asleep at about 4:30, but he'd had a lot of fun. That's all I needed to hear. We disassembled our tent quickly to avoid the afore-warned 7am sprinkler setting and partook of juice and pancakes before heading home, exhausted and happy. It's 2:15 now and Dalton is still sleeping, and finally, I would imagine, dreaming dreams of the subconscious variety.

He's had the most incredible opportunities in his young years to "sleep" over in such fun places - the ball field, the Science Museum, various lakes and even his own school. I can't wait to ask him when he wakes up where this one ranks.

Flowers And Vows And Bittersweet Changes

Every once in a blue moon, I'll have what feels like complete clarity of thought. Not in the sense that I have life all figured out. Just that I am seeing all the many facets of my existence through the filter of absolute Truth. But the vast majority of the time, I feel like there is always something or other that I am still figuring out. I am awestruck by the speed at which life changes. EVERY SINGLE DAY holds multiple situations to gain some new perspective I've never known before. Every single moment has never happened before - and it never will again. I only get one chance to soak it in, to assess it for what it's teaching me, and to enjoy it before moving on. Sometimes....I get stuck at the "moving on."

Not so long ago, my niece served as the flower girl at my wedding to Greg, her mother's brother. Tonight, my own daughter served as the flower girl for Lindsay. And I was rather awed by the full circle that Life seems to create. Some of the guests were people I went to church with years ago. Some were distant relatives with grayer hair and shakier voices than they'd had the last time we saw them. Others we didn't know brought new babies in carriers who slept through all the hoopla. My sons, who are usually too shy to garner public attention, thoroughly surprised me by cutting up the dance floor. They also learned the existence of some new language and lost some trust in some people who decided to sneak alcohol into the celebration, which was quite conspicuously confiscated when the perpetrators beligerant behavior tipped off the staff. But I have a new nephew, whose an old-fashioned kind of gentleman because his single mother raised him right. Tonight, she openly thanked God for sparing her from her wide-spread cancer long enough to see this day. We all wept at that. And the bride - had a complete stereotypical wedding-day-jittery meltdown just moments before walking the cobblestone aisle. The moment became a flashback for me. I handled awkward uneasiness the same way, with lots of crying followed by goofy inappropriate giggling to thwart the crying!

Lindsay looked STUNNING! Everyone always says their bride is the most beautiful they have ever known and they each are right. That's how it's supposed to be. But Lindsay is the type of light-eyed, wide-smiling brunette that looks like she walked right out of the pages of a classic black-and-white GAP ad. She's just that pretty. And I must say, my own little flower girl looked her best EVER! I let her wear a little makeup for the special occasion, another milestone in my life that seems to change much too quickly. One that at once brought me both pain and immense pride. I will never ever forget looking at her Daddy looking at her with her pink lip gloss and pink Gerber daisy in her hair. (She looked so sweet, even one of the butterflies released during the first kiss landed right on her fingertips!)

Even the nature of my relationship with my sister-in-law changed a bit through these wedding preparations. We have always been close, but she is a tough-as-nails, take charge kind of woman, raised with four brothers. I came in as the only SIL, several years younger, and Kim took on the role of bossy, protective older sister. Tonight, I got to clean up the bridal room so she could relax her feet. I got to run back to the room for tissues the girls had forgotten so she wouldn't miss watching which guests were coming in. I never told her about the spills I mopped up in the hall so she wouldn't worry about her reputation with the venue staff - or getting back her deposit. She was the Mother Of The Bride for the first time in her life and I wanted her to enjoy it. And you know what? I loved that! Usually because she's older and wiser, she gets more opportunity to help me through things. But roles sometimes shift. Times change. Ready or not. Tonight, a girl has changed her name. My sons have changed their minds that a wedding is boring. My daughter changed right before our eyes with a professional updo and a little dab of blush. And tomorrow, I'll be changing my perspective.....AGAIN.....about what it all means.

My Heart Is Too Full....

to adequately explain the joy I am feeling right now as I peer through the glass door into the back yard.

Thank you, God, for summer days, swimming pools, and Jenny.

O' Sun, Where Art Thou

My Dear Sun,

I know that only three weeks ago, I was extolling the virtues of a good Rain. And I do still love her. But please know that my affection for Rain does not diminish in any way my friendship with you, either. You are each special. Each unique in your own way. And I did enjoy my first few days with Rain, but I have missed you while you have been gone. Rain has been very cool, but I am missing your sunny nature. Without you, life has been a little darker, a bit more dreary. Nineteen days is long time to go without seeing you. Your absence has not gone unnoticed. This is the very longest you have ever been gone from here. And while Rain has been fun to play with for a little while, there is so much she can not do that you are very good at. We can not go to the ball games with her. We have missed five games and several practices so far. Swimming with Rain is not really as fun either. In fact, it can be a bit dangerous. Especially when she tries to be slick. Picnics, walking and biking, and going to the amusement park or zoo - Rain doesn't allow any of that. And quite honestly, she's kept Greg from going to work as well, which is starting to make him worry a bit. With you, Sun, he's happy, at least when you're not beating down on him! :) He misses you, too. I really think rain would be willing to leave for a little while, if you don't feel ready to share the sky. We don't want her to feel bad, but we just need to see you, to know that you're still around. I know lately Rain has gotten a lot of glory in press coverage, but I promise, lots of people will come out to see you if you'll just show up and beam down. So please, Sun, feel free to visit really soon. There are a lot of us looking for you to show up and light up our lives once again!

Good Advice

I have always sought to follow the advice of those who have gone before me and to try my best, yet without their perspective, to take it to heart, especially to "enjoy your husband and children and don't take a single second for granted." But this particular article I found at An Ordinary Mom worded it so beautifully and so succinctly that I had to share. It was such a vivid reminder to go hug my loved ones, really hard......and right now!

“All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

“Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, have all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.

“What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations –what they taught me, was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all. Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

“When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself.

“Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane?
“Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.
“Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, ‘Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame.’ The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, “What did you get wrong?”. (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

“But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night.

“I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

“Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be.

“The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.”~ Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist

My Name Is... IRL

I have a short list of blogs I check as often as I make it to the computer, which obviously hasn't been very often this week. (It's kinda been a crazy one...) One of my hands down very favorite blogs to visit is Big Blueberry Eyes. It's a slice of life for the Helferich's, a military family living in New Mexico and raising an adorable toddler, for whom the blog is aptly titled. Each week Michelle, the blog's author, describes her blessings for the week in a post (among others) called "Grains of Gratitude." I have often thought I would also like to contribute my post to this encouraging link list, but so far I haven't taken the time to figure it out. But this week, Michelle and her family would have made my short list, just as they do when I read blogs.

That's because I got to meet this sweet family in person! My very first IRL (In Real Life) meeting, and it was terrific. Michelle, her husband Joe and little Kayla have been enjoying a cross country three-week vacation to visit Michelle and Joe's parents and attend her sister's graduation. While reading of their adventures, I realized they would be passing back by right near where I live! So we agreed on a McDonald's that my hubby located for a meeting spot and made it a date.

My kids and I pulled into the parking lot not sure if we or they had arrived first. They had, twenty minutes before they estimated and we were ten minutes late due to a turnpike detour - they were so incredibly kind to wait on us since they had so much traveling left to do. My first hint was a gentleman smiling at us from inside the restaurant with a look of familiarity from the BBE blog photos. My kids filed out of the car and as we headed inside I saw them! The namesake for Michelle's blog. Those BIG humongous beautiful berry BLUE eyes! They shined with pure joy behind a glass pane window upon which her tiny nose was pressed. As we entered in, Kayla immediately offered the sweetest hug. She was a tiny little doll - and her eyes almost neon blue. We made introductions and ordered a snack and sat down.

The kids instantly made themselves at home with each other, even getting a bit rambunctious after being cooped up in our perspective cars. Like all toddlers often do, Kayla saw a yummy french fry and smoothly snuck it off my youngest son's wrapper. As Michelle started to apologize, I couldn't help but laugh inside thinking I knew she was about see my son for how I always describe him. But he said it too quietly for her to hear. Justice turned to me coyly with his eyes squinted and a goofy grin and whispered, "Mom, Kayla is really cute!" Then he BEGGED me not to tell Michelle, and I obliged for that afternoon, but I just had to share that with her now! He didn't mind that missing french fry one bit! :)

Joe and Michelle and Kayla were the kind of friends my husband and I would have in our every day lives. They were kind, humble and easy-going. We talked about their vacation, military life, our families, and of course, blogging. And I tried to thank them adequately enough for taking so much time out of a long day of driving just to say hello to a friend met online. They were just sweet precious people and I really enjoyed our time together. They now know our real names, just like our "real-life" friends, and that's from now on just how I'll view them. Thank you Joe, Michelle and Kayla for stopping to say "HI."

Edit To Add: I think it must be one of Kayla's life callings to give hugs. See this photo? There was tangible affection in that embrace, which she freely initiated. Pure, innocent, joyous encouragement. A little Grain of Gratitude for my week!

Summer Camp

I guess I sort of expected it to be easier to blog in the summer once things have slowed down a bit, but the trouble is, they haven't! In the "relaxation, spend-time-together-and-not-have-as-rigid-of-a-schedule" kind of way they have, but in the sit-down-at-the-computer-and-have-a-specific-time-to-type-each-evening kind of way, not so much.

My oldest son just returned from a week of camp. Welcoming him home yesterday was an all-day event. It was so nice to have him home. It was the first time he has gone anywhere more than overnight without being with SOMEONE in our family. But I felt remarkably calm about it the entire time. First, because he was in the capable hands of our church counselors, the main one of which is one of my best friends. But also because I trust him. This past year he has really started to show the kind of responsibility that makes me feel O.K. about letting him try the new ventures that approaching teenager-dom brings. He has always been a "good" kid, basically obedient to his father and me, but now we are beginning to test his responses when we are not right there to guide him and this week, he has made us proud. He took first place in the instrumental solo division for his age group, which made me so happy because he has only been playing since Christmas, but we are always stressing to our kids the extreme importance of PRACTICE to be successful at any thing. He has done that. And it paid off.

But more so, I was proud of him and my friend's daughter for including their friend in their puppet skit. The friend is mentally handicapped and can not read well, so every time his turn came (an equal part to theirs), the flow of the scene was interrupted. This is a team who without this boy took first place last year, but chose this year to include their friend, even with some other kids tempting them "you won't win with him in it." But they chose their friend and his feelings over an un-guarenteed win or temporary recognition, and without the prompting of her mother or me. I loved watching them practice together. Just three friends having fun and doing their best. I'm glad they weren't given any special consideration. I'm convinced that with more time to practice together, they are going to do even better next year.

I have been surprised at so much this year about my reactions to this changing phase in my son's life. This phase where as a parent, you slow the teaching and lecturing and let them go ahead and fail and make mistakes so they can learn in real time the consequences, good and bad, of certain actions. I thought I would be a basket case having him gone all week. And I thought I would kind of hope he would be a bit of basket case without me too. But it's nice, watching this child you've put so much effort into parenting, becoming their own person. It's nice to get a front row seat to who they are going to be in this world, different AND the same as ourselves. And yes, of course it's nice to get to know they will eventually miss you just as much as you miss them. For both of us that happened on Thursday, the night before they returned home. All week, when I had spoke to him, Dalton was eager to hurry the conversation and get back to being a part of whatever antics were taking place inside his cabin. And I was too thrilled for all the fun he was having to wish any feelings of home sickness upon him. But Thursday evening, the conversation lingered until we had talked out everything about what Dalton had done that day, what they served in chow hall, why there were no pranks allowed this year and random details of bugs in suitcases, somebody getting in trouble for something, or something that had struck him in a preaching message. Then after a few seconds of silence between us while I overheard him laughing at a friend's cell phone tone in the background, I offered "well, I guess we don't have anything left to say" he said to me "that's O.K. We can just sit here." SIGH. That's quite a Valentine from a boy to his mama - and he doesn't even know it. :)

Sorry for the confusion on the last post. The birthday greetings were for my good friend's husband and daughter. They celebrate on the same day and have recently moved away, so I was missing being there to watch them open presents and eat cake together. :(

Where I'm Needed

I have only but a couple of minutes to post just long enough to say that I will be taking a break from blogging for a couple or a few weeks, at least until school is out. As can be expected when a new saint has given their heart to God, adversity will follow. The enemy isn't happy and makes mockery of those whose faith is so brand new, attempting to plant doubt. I intend to be right now where I must, defending my daughter and encouraging her in her new walk. I BELIEVE what she has done is real - her fruit is so obvious. As is the fact that the enemy seeks to undermine her confidence. This time is CRITICAL in the life of my daughter. And I will REFUSE to account her shyness for failure (as someone has implied). Her heart will be so strong for God ONE DAY. All growth starts somewhere, and it's not at the end, I can assure you from ongoing experience. So there's my peace (yes, peace - not piece). I will look forward to catching later, but for now I want to be where I am needed. Have a great May!!!

(And a very special "Thank You" to Krista at New Beginnings , Bev at Blessed Beyond Measure, and Toni at In The Midst Of This Season for tagging me for the "Seven Things About Me Meme." You made me feel special by thinking of me. :) Due to current circumstances, I'll just refer you to my recent "100 Things About Me for my 100th post." Will that count?)

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. I John 4:4

A Cinco De Mayo SUPER CELEBRATION!

Tonight was one of the absolute, bar-none, best nights of my life. Tonight at 10:45 p.m., my sweet, amazing, wondrous, beautiful miracle, my daughter, gave her heart to Jesus Christ! I got to be the one to pray with her. Wow! And the first thing God did afterward was to give me such an indescribable peace to trust that what she had done was real through the immediate fruit she bore. My sweet shy daughter said she CAN NOT WAIT to go forward at church tomorrow and ask to be baptized! If you knew her whole recent background, you would understand that THAT is straight from the Heavenly Father! Then as I was just praising Him for all of His goodness, He reminded me......just two weeks ago I had asked Him to at least once in my lifetime let me lead someone to Christ from start to finish. From telling them of Him for the very first time to planting the seed, to watering, to finally share in them getting saved. And I guess when I prayed that prayer, for some reason I was envisioning a stranger, someone I would meet and lead. But God gave me exceedingly abundant above all I could ask or imagine. In just two weeks, He answered my prayer through someone far more important to me - my flesh and blood. My only girl. And in this I believe He also answered for me another unspoken prayer as well. Yes, this was a fantastic Cinco De Mayo! A fiesta where even the angels were singing!!!

In Need Of Encouragement

My brother and his wife just got word that my niece may need to return to Omaha indefinitely as her health is not progressing enough right now at home. If you will, please leave them some encouragement at http://ashleyadamsjournal.blogspot.com Thank you - with all sincerity.

Unfortunatley I Can't THINK Of A Very Catchy Title

Recently I was surprised and really uplifted to receive a comment from Robin at Robinznest saying she had chosen me as one of the five top blogs that "make me think." WOW!! I have seen the button on other blogs, but quite honestly had not thought about receiving it because I figured any "wisdom" I have to impute is really just a collection of lessons learned the really hard way. Stuff like "take extra clothes everywhere you go." I learned that because my daughter's clothes have a metaphysical NEED for mustard stains before re-entry to the laundry room. Or, "don't try calling Mom anytime in the afternoon because she won't be able to talk." No matter when I call between the hours of 12:00 - 5:00, it will inevitably be the exact time she was able to squeeze in lunch that day. (See, maybe if I really were a deep thinker, I would realize she's probably just trying to avoid my drama with a lunch time excuse- hee hee.)

Really, though, I am thrilled that Robin evidently found something thoughtful in my silly stories. What a sweet sentiment. I was especially touched that the award came from her. I have loved visiting her site ever since I went there the first time. That this came from someone whose wisdom I have admired from the beginning was a real, genuine encouragement to me. Robin is so laid back. So tender toward her girls. So simultaneously wise and humble in sharing her own parenting triumphs and faux paus. So hopeful that with a good effort and a lot of prayer, they do end up loving Jesus like we hope they will. I just love all that I learn from her stories of raising her own little ones into the young women they are today. She makes me want to pick up and go on when I've blown it. And waste no time on all the guilt. THANK YOU Robin, for the encouragement you've given by your nomination. You've been a real blessing to me today. (And the reason it took me a week to get around to this was trying to figure out the button! Now that took some deep thought for me! :) )

Now it's my turn to pick five blogs that make me think. Many I would choose have already earned the award, so I want to point you to some new ones. I figure the point of this is to introduce you to other blogs who have something to offer in the way of changing your perspective for the better. And I'm adding one just because I can. So here they are, six bloggers who make me think:

A Pink Carnation In Bloom
Blessed Assurances
In The Midst Of This Season
Renovating This Heart
The Journey to Sky
Tirzah's Wanderings

So ladies, here is what you need to do, if you want to participate:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme

3. Optional: Proudly display the “Thinking Blogger Award” with a link to the post that you wrote. (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

Going Away

I am literally about to spend only 10 minutes getting everyone packed (not my favorite way to do things) so my husband and I can go downtown to celebrate our wedding anniversary, but I saw just now that there are so many comments I am REALLY wanting to answer - about baseball, a bombing firefighter with a baby, and a surprise honor I've been given. But first, I am going to enjoy being a grown up for two days, with no arguing children, no body else's preferences to consider (well, none who watch cartoons, anyway), and no stress to cook!!! YAY! Then I'll come back on Monday and try to get all caught up.

Have a blessed weekend, everybody!

April 19 Reflections

It struck me so odd this morning as I tuned in my television for that annual ritual - how time insists on moving forward, whether we permit it to or not. It still just doesn't really seem like all that long ago. Twelve years ago today, it was the biggest news story in every American city and across much of the world. It was so surreal, so very shocking. But in the dozen years since the Murrah Federal Bombing 15 miles from my home and only 3 days before my wedding day, we've experienced an even bigger atrocity in 9/11. And RIGHT NOW, we are processing the massacre at Virginia Tech. And in between the two, there have been a multitude of other life defining moments, both public and private. The Iraq war, the Indian Tsunami and the flooding in New Orleans, political corruption, miscarriages, weddings, divorces, deaths and new babies. Life indeed goes on. In fact, one of our very own local stations ran regular programming today for the first year since "the bombing," a term whose reference is automatically understood in these parts.

I didn't feel the bombing like everyone else did. I was sleeping in to recuperate from the emotional exhaustion of preparing for our wedding while coping with my fiance's own grief. His dad had passed away suddenly just 12 days earlier. Our out-of-town guests experienced it though. Anyone within a 50 mile radius and not asleep when it happened has a vivid description to share. It was that powerful. My slumber turned out to be a blessing in disguise. At the time of the blast, I was supposed to be at the downtown courthouse securing our wedding license. The courthouse was located directly next door to the explosion, and two people inside were killed by falling debris.

In a realistic display of the sickness that sometimes lurks in our society, we were not able to locate an open courthouse anywhere in our state for two days, due to copycat threats at nearly all of them. Finally on Friday, less than 24 hours before "I do's," a sweet country-girl court clerk agreed to stay 20 minutes past quitting time to issue us our license 45 minutes away. After that she would have to leave to meet her family for a school function. We drove 90 mph most of the way and still barely made it. As we made our way back to the parking lot with that all important piece of paper, we were told to stay in our car as we witnessed a cavalcade of black Suburbans enter the premises in a quiet formal line. We wouldn't know until the 10:00 news that it was Timothy McVeigh. The door you've seen him exit on television as people boo in the background is the same one we entered to get legal proof of our impending marriage.

Two years later, my newlywed status was fading even as I was expecting our first child. Feeling clueless, we signed up for "baby classes" at the hospital. I was a new Christian and had shared the Gospel easily with my family but I was very much struggling to speak to strangers about Him. I really just struggled to speak to anyone new to me, period. But in that class, I stepped out on faith. I don't remember anything of the actual conversation, only that I apparently found the restroom to be the perfect locale to tell her about the love of Christ! We laugh about it now. We laugh about a lot now! God took my meager, ill-delivered effort and gave to me a wonderful friend. Arlene is classy, attractive, articulate, intelligent, caring and passionate - about Jesus, her family, the moral state of our society, her friends and the unique challenges of teenagers - in that order. And she is an Oklahoma City Murrah bombing survivor. Her name is etched on the one remaining wall of the building left as part of the memorial to commemorate the strength and resolve of those who lived through it.

Shortly after the bombing, she became alcoholic dependent. She was newly married as well. She lost almost 20 co-workers, her friends, all on one day. She herself had been completely blinded for over three hours and her husband had taken nearly six hours to find her in all the chaos. Her desk sat on the fourth floor on the right side of the hole that you have no doubt seen on television. She was there that morning to serve our country in the offices of the U.S. Army with her enlistment ending just 10 days later. She had gotten up to retrieve coffee for her male boss only 20 seconds earlier. She once told me that she would have foolishly considered his request to be chauvinistic toward women only a couple of years earlier, but she too had recently trusted her heart to Jesus Christ, and she had become softer, less bitter and more caring. At least until she was challenged by that day. Had she not gone for coffee that day, I would never have had my friend. Her husband would never have had his two amazing boys who are trained in the Word daily. They are one reason I find hope for the society my children will live in. They are being taught to love, really truly love others, by someone who walks the walk. Someone who prayed her way off the alcohol, recommitted herself to God, began traveling the country to publicly speak her testimony, finally found the courage to expose the scars she had hidden under carefully planned clothing for several years, pen-pal counseled with victims of 9/11 (still does) and yes, forgave her tormentor completely.

She didn't go to the Memorial service today. She no longer needs to. There is no chance she'll ever forget that Spring day that started so beautifully, but she no longer dwells on it either. These days she spends working with the teenagers at her church, as I have done for many years at mine. We try to help them with the fear that a Virginia Tech tragedy could happen to them. We try to help them realize that goodness has to start somewhere, if not with lazy parents for some of them or bullies for others or in the awful, extreme cases of Oklahoma City and Virginia Tech, with an irrational, selfish murderer, then it is THEY who have the power to determine what kind of society they will produce. They get to decide if vindication is worth the down spiral of violence it creates. They have the choice to do good or to do evil. And they have the capacity, but only through Christ, to love those who don't necessarily deserve it, rather than choose revenge. THEY ARE CAPABLE of so much more than they often get the credit for. But the vast majority of them need a lot of encouragement to believe that. They - young people - when given the chance, often humble and amaze me. They are not the sum of a few misled evil perpetrators.

On this anniversary of the first modern day terrorism event on U.S. soil (except Pearl Harbor, perhaps?), in the fresh aftermath of the senseless carnage at Virginia Tech, from a woman whose been the very target and victim of such hatred on April 19, 1995, my friend Arlene, please just smile at the pimple-faced guy behind the counter at McDonald's next time you're there. Ask the teen aged cart handler in the Walmart parking lot how he's doing today and then really listen. Encourage the emerging young adults of today that they are capable and not helpless. Help them to know that they matter, because who they become certainly DOES matter. It matters a whole lot. We can not separate ourselves from those we find distasteful. They are our mission field. They are the future co-workers and neighbors of our own children. They absolutely matter.

May God bless each person who mourns a tragic death today. May He bring comfort to all those who grieve the loss of ANY loved one.

Hope Snows Eternal

Easter is in two days, the children are out of school for Good Friday, and I am all excited about preparing the suits my husband and boys will be wearing. Without even trying, we found them matching violet shirts to wear - sizes 5T, 10/12, and a 20 neck (no, not kidding; we have a great tailor.) Very spring-like.

I am spending this morning catching up on blogs, relaxing after sleeping in, before I run errands for an impromptu, outdoor, cookout-baby shower we're hosting tomorrow for a new neighbor who is due in 10 days, but knows nobody and needs to be fussed over (my opinion - not hers).

And my daughter just announced to me "It's snowing outside."

"April Fools Day is over" I told her. The kids have found great delight in dragging out that silly custom since last Sunday. Anything for the fun privilege of completely annoying one another.

But I looked. And it's true. The flakes weren't exactly big enough for the camera to catch (we tried), but it is in fact snowing here in the Midwest this Easter weekend.

And it's still beautiful. Like one last chance to see that particular miracle that we thought had passed for this year.

And so it reminds me of Easter after all. One last chance. Thank you God for those every single day of my life. And particularly right now, help me extend those repeated last chances to others. To follow your lead. To do what is right, and not what's fair. Like You did for me. Like You DO for me. Over and over and over. Thank You God for Easter and for snow and THE CROSS. Amen.

P.S. For those of you who sometimes follow the story of my niece Ashley, 20 months old and battling cancer while recuperating from a triple organ transplant in September, she is in need of urgent prayer at this time. There is the possibility of rejection, though we're praying God has other plans not revealed to us yet. You can encourage my brother's family at www.AshleysStory.org Thank you.

Sweet Music

My boys are not different from any other siblings in a relationship. Sometimes, they argue. Sometimes one irritates the other purposely and the other feels a need to retaliate because on a worldly level, it's the only way to make things "fair." Of course, sometimes they will defend one another against the flagrant rudeness of an outsider, too. Like the time my mild mannered older son shot a very hard intentional glare in the direction of a 12-year-old who was taunting his then 4-year-old brother and blocking him inside a plastic pod at McDonald's. Both Dalton and I were ready to take this kid to task, I can assure you.

But it's only been in the last year or so that the dynamic between my sons has included just hanging out. Enjoying one another's company. Being brothers. Discovering together what it means to be a boy. Before, Justice was just a toddler, unable to keep up with Dalton. He was just discovering the magic of Blue's Clues at the time when Dalton was needing to assert his growing maturity by proclaiming Blue's Clues was "too babyish." Justice would ride his tricycle around the small invisible space we (his parents) had proclaimed to be safe, while wistfully watching his older brother have free reign of the cul-de-sac on his big boy bike.

I have never been in any hurry to rush a particular stage of growth in my children. I've always wanted to heed the advice of mothers everywhere to "enjoy every moment." But I have dreamed about the day my boys would be true buddies. And I always just assumed when they bonded in this way, it would probably be over something strictly male. Playing football (which they do, for HOURS on end), building forts, or woodworking in their Dad's shop.

I would never have guessed that one of the sweetest moments I'd ever witness between these two would begin with a cheap toy bought yesterday at Dollar General.

Somewhere in a torn powder blue gift bag, I have 2 receipts kept as mementos for the first times my 10-year-old son and my 7-year-old daughter made purchases with their own money. This tradition is a big deal in our family. We'll give the kids opportunities to do chores around the house outside of their regular assigned tasks and pay them accordingly. Things that are not required, but merely opportunities for a "paycheck" if they want save for something special. We show significant pride in that receipt for a first purchase and hang it on the refrigerator for several days. I can still remember that my son bought a calculator and my daughter bought a doll. Both under $5 and legitimately earned.

Yesterday, it was Justice's turn. We were at the discount store so I could quickly grab some laundry soap when he came to me with worry in his voice. "Oh, I REALLY want to spend my money here on something, but I didn't know we were coming here so I don't have my wallet. And there's only one of them left!" Being the embodiment of JOCK, I was surprised when he told me the item he was panting after was a $1 yellow plastic recorder, a musical instrument similar to a flute.

Dalton received a recorder in music class before Christmas and has since been steadily improving at it, adding four or five songs to his repertoire. And Justice just knew that his patient older brother would be eager to teach him. He stood there and admired that little plastic toy like it held all the value of a vault of gold. I fronted him the $1. And I have made it back more than a million times over in watching my little boys practice together.

A while ago, Justice ran into my room where I lay sick and absolutely beamed from ear to ear! "Justice is here to give you a concert," Dalton proclaimed. I watched as my younger son proudly lifted that little plastic recorder toward his toothless, gapped grin and announced, "Listen, mama! I can do two notes - A and B. Except, of course, in recorder B comes first." Then he glanced knowingly at his brother seeking his respect for having remembered that musical fact. I choked back happy tears as I listened to the most beautiful rendition of two notes played over and over and over. The tender satisfaction in my heart was mirrored in Dalton's face as he watched his protege's performance. He was taking a bit of rightful ownership in the success of a new accomplishment for his not-so-baby brother. A teacher and his student. Loving siblings. My boys.

Cousin Hugs

Wow! What an exhilarating, mess-making, completely exhausting, fun, productive, blessed week! My mom has left to go home to Texas to help out my brother's family after graciously offering an entire week of her life to help me. She took over my daily duties of laundry, meal planning/preparation and running the kids all over the place while I dug in and tried to make sense of three years of storage and paperwork chaos.

Honestly, I probably only got about a tenth to a fifth through where I need to be for normal life to return to us, but at least with boxes open EVERYWHERE I will be forced to come out of my slump of lacking motivation. Still, God has accomplished His purpose for this trial. I have loosened up and found better balance. In fact, I wanted to take the weekend off even though it was my mom's last day here to help me. My niece was coming to stay with us for the weekend and I wanted to spend all the time we could with her. We just don't get to spend time with her like that near often enough!

On Friday after picking her up, my niece, my mom, my daughter and I went to the salon where we all got French manicures and pedicures in the "color lighted chairs" my daughter has always wanted to try. The next morning, the girls were down the street with my sons at an empty lot building a "fort" with their sandals on, getting mud and dirt under those perfectly painted toenails - and I loved it! I love the juxtaposition of their daintiness and tom-boyishness all wrapped into two cute smiling little figures of innocence. I went down to view their handiwork of tree limbs and tumbleweeds before cooking out a hamburger lunch.

That evening, we had plans to go to a place that is about 4500 square feet of moonwalk mazes and games. Apparently, though, they have switched over to a Birthday Only facility since I was there last, so we had about a half hour discussion about where to go instead. The kids all became overwhelmed with so many choices. After too many "what if we's" and "No, I don't want to's", my head was spinning. I half-joked that we should just go hang out in the tiny town down the road from here instead of the nearby metro with dozens of kid-friendly attractions, and all of a sudden they agreed! They said they were "up for an adventure." So we went bowling....in a 100+ year-old building that leaned so heavily to one side, you had to adjust your throw accordingly. And we had a blast! Grandma and my niece won the two games. The bowling alley "mascots" were two birds that talk. One of them kept us in stitches for a half hour saying "hello", "goodbye", "I'm Taco" and whistling "Boomer Sooner." My sons LOVED that! As we walked outside, the kids were treated to seeing the train pass just yards in front of them. They always love this, especially right now since their Dad has found a new hobby of train-building with them. Then we went and saw the church camp that Grandma (my mom) first attended as a kid. (This bowling alley was the first one she had ever been in too, which is funny because this is not the area where either she or I grew up.)

Driving home in the beautiful warm Spring darkness, it was easy to soak in the blessings. Good conversation with my mom, one of my very best friends. The freedom to be a stay-at-home-mom without a paid job to be indebted to on this Spring Break. And time with my niece who was creating a game in the back seat with my children.

"O.K. You be me and I'll be my mom and your brother can be my brother and he'll be your Dad...."

They would play their "roles" for a sentence or two, then yell "Cousin Hugs!" and take turns giving each other great big embraces and laughing.

Then Allie started a song they hadn't known before: "We are Family....I got my brothers, sisters, cousins and me......" with all of their giggley little voices joining in the backseat.

How funny! After returning home, my mom and I sat on the front porch and watched the kids play "flashlight tag" in the yard. I did not want our time together to end. A week with my Mom and a weekend with Allie was just too short, but I knew Allie had an exciting surprise waiting for her in Texas and I couldn't wait for her to get to go see it. Her Mommy was coming home after 6 months away at a transplant hospital in Nebraska with Allie's baby sister! As much fun as I hoped to show her at our house, there just is no topping that!!!

God is so good to us.

Wedding Rituals

I love my niece. She is my niece by marriage, but we couldn't be any closer if she was an actual blood relative. Neither could her mom and me for that matter. My sister-in-law and I don't necessarily talk every day or even for weeks sometimes because we are both so busy raising large active families. But she is still the encouraging, protective older sister I never had growing up. And her little girl called me last Friday night to share something very special with me. I felt so privileged to be one of the first to hear. "Guess what, I'm getting married!"

The truth is that I had already had a head's up from her mom that things were about to take place and it just about killed me waiting to congratulate her! Her fiance did the right thing and asked her parents' permission before waiting five loooong days to make it official in truly romantic style - a photographic trip down memory lane - displayed so beautifully with mushy explanations for what made each of their celluloid moments so special to him. Leo is the guy the whole extended family has wanted to be "the one" for a long time. We were just waiting around for Lindsay to feel confident enough to finally figure that out too!

Lindsay also had some wonderful news for my seven-year-old daughter. (We are three peas in a pod - all of us loving fashion and ceremony) She gets to be the flower girl! Yay! She is over the moon, for sure. However, Lindsay has also tapped my older son to be the miniature groom with my other niece, Lindsay's little sister for the mini bride. And my youngest son has been honored with the Ring Bearer title.

While all of this is quite exciting for the estrogen-induced members of our household, the boys have been a little more hesitant to say the least. They love their cousin. And more importantly to them, they love Leo. If being in his wedding means they might get to wrestle with him at the reception and throw cake into each other's mouths hoops-style, well, they might just have to consider walking down the aisle their obligatory privilege.

"But" my little one wanted to know, "What is a Ring Bear? Please tell me I don't have to wear a costume."

"No." I replied. "It's not Ring Bear. It's Ring Bearer. A Ring Bearer is the one who takes the wedding rings down the aisle to give to the people getting married so they can give them to each other. And you'll probably be wearing a tuxedo."

"Why don't they just carry their own rings?"

"Because it's just fancier to make a big deal out of the rings by having everyone know that the ring part is about to happen. And wedding dresses don't have pockets."
(It's always good to confuse them with a backup reason so they forget to ask "Why?"

"Well, how will I take the rings down there?"

"On a pillow."

"On a pillow?! What the heck do you carry rings on a pillow for?! That makes no sense. That's just silly! Pillows are for sleeping. Not for a wedding!"

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE-BLUE RED-BLOODED AMERICAN BOY!

Later we got back on the topic of the tuxedos - after mentioning the wedding is in July and will be held outdoors.

"Mom, that will be too hot for a suit! And PLEASE tell me I don't have to wear a bow on my neck!"

"Well, that's just what's traditional. But Lindsay's pretty stylish. Maybe she'll have you wear white pants and shirt or something."

"Yeeeeaaahh! That would be so cool. Then I could wear my football pants!" (And he was serious.)

And my older son, upon hearing he would be paired up with his own cousin (the one who has a crush on him and justifies it by way of her adoption - just like I did when I was little and had a crush on my adopted cousin) to play bride and groom? Well, I have no idea how his ten-year-old self knew to make a joke about it by bringing up Arkansas, but that is what he did.

So as you can tell, Leo pretty much holds all the man-who-gets-how-to-make-a-girl-swoon cards around here. But then, he had a bubbly, talented girl to get to say "Yes!" And I 'm so glad she did. Congratulations Lindsay and Leo!