Flowers And Vows And Bittersweet Changes

Every once in a blue moon, I'll have what feels like complete clarity of thought. Not in the sense that I have life all figured out. Just that I am seeing all the many facets of my existence through the filter of absolute Truth. But the vast majority of the time, I feel like there is always something or other that I am still figuring out. I am awestruck by the speed at which life changes. EVERY SINGLE DAY holds multiple situations to gain some new perspective I've never known before. Every single moment has never happened before - and it never will again. I only get one chance to soak it in, to assess it for what it's teaching me, and to enjoy it before moving on. Sometimes....I get stuck at the "moving on."

Not so long ago, my niece served as the flower girl at my wedding to Greg, her mother's brother. Tonight, my own daughter served as the flower girl for Lindsay. And I was rather awed by the full circle that Life seems to create. Some of the guests were people I went to church with years ago. Some were distant relatives with grayer hair and shakier voices than they'd had the last time we saw them. Others we didn't know brought new babies in carriers who slept through all the hoopla. My sons, who are usually too shy to garner public attention, thoroughly surprised me by cutting up the dance floor. They also learned the existence of some new language and lost some trust in some people who decided to sneak alcohol into the celebration, which was quite conspicuously confiscated when the perpetrators beligerant behavior tipped off the staff. But I have a new nephew, whose an old-fashioned kind of gentleman because his single mother raised him right. Tonight, she openly thanked God for sparing her from her wide-spread cancer long enough to see this day. We all wept at that. And the bride - had a complete stereotypical wedding-day-jittery meltdown just moments before walking the cobblestone aisle. The moment became a flashback for me. I handled awkward uneasiness the same way, with lots of crying followed by goofy inappropriate giggling to thwart the crying!

Lindsay looked STUNNING! Everyone always says their bride is the most beautiful they have ever known and they each are right. That's how it's supposed to be. But Lindsay is the type of light-eyed, wide-smiling brunette that looks like she walked right out of the pages of a classic black-and-white GAP ad. She's just that pretty. And I must say, my own little flower girl looked her best EVER! I let her wear a little makeup for the special occasion, another milestone in my life that seems to change much too quickly. One that at once brought me both pain and immense pride. I will never ever forget looking at her Daddy looking at her with her pink lip gloss and pink Gerber daisy in her hair. (She looked so sweet, even one of the butterflies released during the first kiss landed right on her fingertips!)

Even the nature of my relationship with my sister-in-law changed a bit through these wedding preparations. We have always been close, but she is a tough-as-nails, take charge kind of woman, raised with four brothers. I came in as the only SIL, several years younger, and Kim took on the role of bossy, protective older sister. Tonight, I got to clean up the bridal room so she could relax her feet. I got to run back to the room for tissues the girls had forgotten so she wouldn't miss watching which guests were coming in. I never told her about the spills I mopped up in the hall so she wouldn't worry about her reputation with the venue staff - or getting back her deposit. She was the Mother Of The Bride for the first time in her life and I wanted her to enjoy it. And you know what? I loved that! Usually because she's older and wiser, she gets more opportunity to help me through things. But roles sometimes shift. Times change. Ready or not. Tonight, a girl has changed her name. My sons have changed their minds that a wedding is boring. My daughter changed right before our eyes with a professional updo and a little dab of blush. And tomorrow, I'll be changing my perspective.....AGAIN.....about what it all means.