MY MOM

My mom has been the most tremendous blessing to me this week. She is actually a huge blessing to me all the time, but this week especially, she has helped me to accomplish what I could not do on my own in three years! And yes, I have spent those 3 years praying for it to get done, but it simply wasn't a one-person job and no one else could help with it. I will TRY to explain. (I feel like I've explained it at least 23 times to my church family and they still don't REALLY get it. That's been one of the biggest frustrations of this trial.)

Three years ago next month, my brother passed away. (Actually my husband's brother, but he was more than an in-law to me; the sibling of his I was very closest to.) He had battled lifelong diabetes. He was ready to depart and as sad I we knew we would be, we were happy for him. It was the ugliest death I ever witnessed, so much so that I won't describe it, and for his sake, there was relief with our sadness. However, perhaps a blessing in disguise is that we didn't have time to grieve. Immediately upon his death, my husband and mother-in-law became responsible for his thriving pest-control business - literally overnight. (People have asked why we didn't make plans to transition sooner. The only ones with the knowledge to run the business were also the only ones with the knowledge to provide his round-the-clock care. There are still only 24 hours in a day.)

Before Scott's passing, my husband and I were already discussing (O.K. - heatedly arguing in agreement about the goal but not the details) our need to move. We had two more children than when our cute little bungalow of a perfect house was new to us. I had been homeschooling for a year, which we had no specific space for. I had utilized every square inch of horizontal AND VERTICAL space to contain everything, including plastic bins kept on our back porch. Nothing was anymore done for "pretty," but practicality only. Then Scott died. And _________Pest Control moved into our little home office. And our living room. And kitchen, laundry room and at least one of the kids closets. As did the accounts division for the construction company my husband already ran from home. Scott had figured all of the finances for our division of the family business in addition to running the pest control side. I try to tell my friends to each just imagine her husband bringing home his entire office building tonight, not just his own personal office, but the copy machine, the filing cabinets, the tractors and chemicals and tax forms and moving them into your LAST home. Then live that way for three years and tell me if you don't call it one of your major life's trials. :)

So....long story not near short enough considering the title of this post.....our home fell into CHAOS. Since two of these years was spent in THAT home, God asked me to let go of homeschooling. And He asked me when we had no option but to go to our local public school, which was strong in academics, but presented more spiritual problems than my children were mature enough to handle. But as we stepped out on faith (and an hourly repitition of "My ways are not thy ways....."), God answered with the right Christian school for the children to attend AND the increased income to go there. Next, He asked us to start the home search (or rather, we asked Him and He gave the go-ahead, before we knew how we'd pay for it, so He was growing our faith.) We spent 18 months (mostly myself and three children since my hubby and MIL were keeping the business afloat - they felt a strong responsibility to keep all of the employees employed) searching out a home to run such a business, to no avail. So, God having kept us safe so far, we stepped out on faith again and built, something we swore we'd never do. We kept the attitude that if God was in this and we didn't have time to come nitpick the building process every day, we would just have to trust Him that it would get done right. We couldn't afford to stress out our marriage, too, with a typical building process. (Which my hubby seeing every day and myself on many days, we knew faith alone would get us through trusting in contractors without us there.) And we were blessed with a wonderful home. Certainly not any more than we need, but it serves everything our last home was lacking for our new circumstances.

Then we had our identity stolen. And started our daughter in school for the first time (with rocky results.) And went all out for the holidays which we'd had no room to decorate for last year. And started to, you know, actually socialize and go on vacation again. And so the house sat largely unpacked for the past 10 months. And it was extremely inconvenient. People would say, "if you've lived without it you must not need it." I suppose that's true, if you have nothing else to do the next few years but devise creative ways to open food without a can opener, for instance. And as kind as people were to offer their help, organizing a home that even WE haven't had set places for stuff in three years would obviously be impossible for an outsider.

So. That's where my amazing mother came in. She would have been to help much earlier (and has been on several occasions for shorter stays when things were still in such disarray that getting much done was more difficult), but she has been busy helping other people in more important issues - like family members fighting cancer. On her visit this time, though, we made what I've been referring to as "THE BIG PUSH." This time we got about 90% of the contents of our belongings put into the rooms they will actually be used in! We cleaned the garage and organized it to have somewhere to store items that are not in use! We put all of the things to run a business office into the business office!!!! And my personal favorite - purging! We got rid of the things we don't use!!! (Insert loud crowd cheering sound effect here.) Then MY MOM went so much further, INSISTING on paying to have all of our backed up laundry dry-cleaned and ironed. She helped me decorate for Vacation Bible School. She cooked all of our meals (except when hubby helped out and grilled) or paid for fast food and did all the laundry while I worked. She tucked the kids into bed so I could stay up late while I was on a roll. She ran errands so I never had to waste precious moments on makeup or decent attire to leave the house. Then, just because she wanted to, she took Faith to get their nails done at the salon and took the kids to go bowling - even in all of her exhaustion. (And working 14-15 hours a day, we were exhausted!) She gave up a week and a half of her life (and my dad's - home without her) to help me do what one person couldn't. I have tried. I have pushed and clawed only to have my efforts reversed from the small snippets of time available when I am the one cooking and doing laundry and running errands in a home that lended to taking twice as long to perform any given task.) She helped our house begin to take shape into a home again, rather than a ransacked storage closet! And in doing so, she honored the way God made me. I am, by nature, much like my father in the way I process information. I am methodical and NEED order. I need a list and an assessment of results in everything I do. She doesn't. But she helped me to order MY home in the way that I NEED it. No judging. And if in my sweat and frustration, I snapped at her in disapproval of one of her ideas that I knew would not work for me, she never snapped back. She is such a sweetheart. She has a huge heart for helping others. She loves every one of us exactly as we are. And she is the ONLY ONE who could or would do what was required to help. Live with us for ten days (AND THANK YOU TO MY DAD FOR GIVING HER UP FOR US!!!) and fully take over all my regular responsibilities.

THANK YOU, MOM!

THINGS SURE LOOK SUNNIER WITH THAT BLACK CLOUD BREAKING UP OVERHEAD!!!

I will try to post before and after pics as soon as I can. This week was VBS, so I have some regular cleaning to do before they look entirely like "after pics." Now I'm going to go sit and stare at four walls for a long while, enjoying every second of it.

By the way, ever write a post that you re-read and thought it was some of your worst writing ever, but you're tired and realize you'd have to change the ENTIRE thing for it to sound like it makes ANY sense? Yeah, sorry about that.

A Reminder

Recently there has been a discussion full of drama between many commenters on a blog of my family members. Many opinions and insights from an array of people with different backgrounds, lifestyles and view points. You know, pretty much how God intended us to be, and yet some seem to be trying to convince others we must all think alike in order to be "Godly" Christians (and in areas so far from the basic tenets of The Faith.)


All of this resulted from a negative comment that was left and it reminded me so much of a similar situation I went through a few months ago. (Except that my situation was less serious and the negative, uninformed comment was made in person.) I don't want to contribute my two cents to THEIR blog, their space. So since VBS is taking up all my time this week and I haven't had time to post, I'll re-post my thoughts from that earlier experience.


THE COMPARISON OF PAIN
Friday, January 26, 2007



I hate to admit that I haven't typed lately because I've had to work out the doubt and confusion going on inside of my head. Logically I know that to allow such a thing is to let the flesh win out, but emotionally I have struggled to embrace it. My problem is big and it requires patience while witnessing some very unfair struggles for my children. This is why I am not sharing further. My kids deserve that dignity and my love would allow nothing less. Personally though, I could appreciate the encouragement that a knowing friend brings. That is the hardest part of this trial. I have learned through other difficult tests that it is God alone upon who I am to rely. Not even a wise Christian friend is an acceptable substitute for His perfect counsel. Sometimes I just miss the message that a tangible hug brings. How I wish when He wrapped His arms tight around me that the squeeze could be physically detected! But He is just and He is good and He's allowing me to realize that more than ever precisely through our sorest trials.


Last night, my friend came over to help my husband with a business task. I have seen her allergies raging many times, so I could detect that her sniffles were not due to weather. I met her at the end of the hallway as she emerged from the restroom to ask if she was O.K. That was it. "Are you O.K.?" And the tears fell like a fountain! She told me she was having to quit a side job she adores to work on her marriage. This was a devastating last straw for her in a phase so full of tumult. This job (only 2 hours weekly) was her one and only time all week to do something she felt was appreciated. As she continued to sob, she described how just before her arrival at our house, her husband had verbally berated her in front of the children, gotten drunk and ridiculed her faith. Oh, yeah, and her teenage son is out of control. "What else?" she struggled not to question.


Today, I had the opportunity to see an old friend I haven't spoken to since college. He's apparently done a much better job of keeping up with classmates as he relayed to me the current "goings-on" in their lives. Of the 20 or so students I spent 60 or more hours a week with while seeking our degrees, only one other besides me has stayed married to their first spouse. Three have never been married at all. That of course leaves a dozen or more divorced! A feeling of sadness washed over me upon hearing the news of so many of my one-time friends struggling in this way. All but two have left the business (television broadcasting - not generally easy on relationships), many in failed attempts to save those marriages.


God answered my prayer to find Dwight last week, to know that he was faring well in the icy elements outside. He nonchalantly assured me that he would sleep in a garage that night instead of under the bridge, but he was incessantly wanting to discuss our teeth. He told me he sure was jealous that I had them, but he would be happy for me as long as long as I promised to appreciate their worth. I never have thought to be thankful I can chew! I promised him I would remember my blessing as I became overwhelmed with humility. I've known the Scripture verse that "the greatest shall be least and the least will be greatest." And yet God saw fit to give me this real-life example. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with how big a blessing he was handing to me for such a small and meager effort to share His love. He called me to speak to this homeless man about Him, and instead uses this man to convict me so strongly. I hope I never forget as I brush my teeth each morning what an incredible gift he has given me in my mouth, the filthiest of all human organs.


And so it usually goes. Whenever I feel most sure I am going to be too burdened by the problems of another, that is when I receive the better blessing. And sometimes, when I have the most genuine concern, I am deeply hurt when the person doesn't trust me (really they just don't trust ANYONE) to share their load. I find something terribly sinful about America's determination to buck up and be strong at all costs. When did we as a society become so distrustful of God that we decided it's better to harden our hearts than to pour them out to Him?! I have struggled with this myself. It's like there's some unwritten rule that if someone else has a "bigger" problem, then ours should be non-existent. And if I'm completely honest, I have to wonder, is this because we've become keenly aware that people in general may not want to bear our burdens with us? Are we afraid that if we hurt, we may hurt alone? I have known this pain and to me it is the worst kind.My friend last night sobbed out all that had been bottled up and could no longer be held in. You could almost feel the waves of hurt and relief come rushing out in one mighty wave. And I felt a closer kinship to her because of it. I FELT A CLOSENESS I very badly needed to feel. I realized last night as I prayed for my friend that the people who I have always felt the nearest to are not necessarily the ones that I trust, but the ones that trust have trusted me! (I have certainly not always DESERVED this trust.) But last night, I cared for this heart-broken girl like never before in the instant she chose me to be the one to listen.

A good friend once gave me plaque that said "A Friend is God's Way of Loving You Through Someone Else." No matter how often I change the decor of our home, that plaque always has a prominent place. I knew what she meant by it, that she loves me so much but God loves me so much more. Last night, I was at least as blessed as my friend. She got the support she needed and though I am such an imperfect ambassador, God let me be his ears and arms when my friend so DESPERATELY needed it.How it broke my heart when she tried to diminish her circumstances with "....... I shouldn't complain. I know others are going through much worse than me." I knew her heart. She wanted to make God proud, to be faithful and strong - and she HAS BEEN, for YEARS in her marriage especially. She has honored her vows and not quit. But I sometimes wonder - why have we been so conditioned to compare pain? To pass judgement upon which pain is worthy of our concern? I am NOT saying we should "let it all hang out." We are commanded to have total reliance upon God and self-control! But why are we so afraid to honor Galatians 6:2 (Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ) without a specific explanation of the problem? Or a personality that has "earned" our empathy, even in their deepest grief? Or even more, why are we reluctant to let others honor this verse in girding us up in our trials? Has Christianity really become a contest, in which I'm to prove my "Godly strength" over yours? Isn't that once more taking credit for God's accomplishments in us?


I have deep abiding love for teenagers and young singles. And they are such a good study in honesty. They may be obnoxious, but if you listen they usually tell it like it is until they're "encouraged" not to. (And I know this is so much easier to take when I have not gone there yet with my own kiddos.) Perhaps it's my love for these kids that has caused me to so deeply analyze these questions. So many adults will tease them for having too much angst over their grades or a breakup, but to them that IS perhaps the biggest problem they've ever dealt with! I can handle so much more now in Christ than I once could - and so much less than certain others around me who've experienced more. I have been through the most violent of all crimes against women and come out stronger because of it. I feel confident in counseling others when it has happened to them. But I would crumble in the beginning at the prospect of a severely fragile child, which my brother and sister-in-law handle with grace.


Just like our personalities are uniquely created to minister to different individuals, our trials are uniquely allowed to teach us very personal lessons. I need to work on something very different from my friend at any given time. I believe it's just one reason why we are so sternly warned not to judge one another. I have strengths where others do not. I have weaknesses that are their strengths. And vice-versa. Pain is painful to the person who lives it. We ALL will have it to varying degrees and for certain seasons that God alone ordains. So next time a friend or stranger cries out for someone to listen that their marriage is failing or their loved one has died or their washing machine broke or they didn't make the ball team, I hope I will strive to recognize THEIR pain without finding need to compare it to my own. God, this is my prayer.

What If

My friend Arlene is a public speaker as a survivor of the 1995 Murrah Federal Bombing in Oklahoma City. I was a broadcast writer before we had our babies together (on the same day!) and very often she'll call me for help in editing her speeches. Today, she needed very little help and I hung up the phone completely changed by one simple profound sentence in her speech. It sounds so obvious, but I have spent the day dwelling upon this simple Truth and smiling.

"Salvation is a gift to us from the Creator of Everything. The Maker of Every. Single. Thing. Ever Made. And we know that gifts are only received from people who like us. A gift, by it's very definition, says 'I love you.'" Arlene Blanchard

Beautiful thought for my day from my beautiful friend. And a song that I love.

What If

by Jaden Lavik

What if I climbed that mountain,
what if I swam to that shore
What if every battle was victorious -
then would you love me more?
Would you love me more?

What if I were everyone's first choice,
what if I went farther than before,
What if I stood high above the rest -
then would you love me more?
Would you love me more?

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you
I'm in awe of why you do.
Why you do, why you do,
I'm in awe of you....

What if I ignored the hand that fed me,
what if I forgot to confess
What if I stumbled down that mountain -
Then would you love me less?
Lord would you love me less?

What if I were everyone's last choice
what if I mixed in with the rest
What if I failed what I passed before -
then would you love me less?
Lord would you would you love me less?

Oh no, oh no, oh no,

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you
I'm in awe of why you do
You do, you do, you do

What have I done to deserve your son sent to die for me
What can I give? I want to live
Give me eyes to see
In a world that keeps changing, there's one thing that I know is true
Your love is staying
There's nothing else I'll hold onto

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you I'm in awe of why you do
I'm in awe of you
The way you love me, the way you do
The way you love me, you love me
The way you do, the way you do, the way you do
You love me......

Because He FIRST Loved Me

I received a comment yesterday from a blogger who was new to my site and I felt the need to respond. Her comment was so lovely, sweet, and encouraging and also the perfect platform to explain the AMAZING GOODNESS OF GOD to my family. The honest answer to her hint at the character of my family lies totally and completely with JESUS CHRIST!

Here is what Sunshine wrote:


Hey - I loved this post - I was reading on "Embracing my Cup" which led me to you...as I was reading on your blog I found out that Ashley is your niece. I read her blog EVERY day - this is so cool. You are just as sweet as your brother and sister in law. You must have amazing parents to be so precious and to have such a precious brother. I hope you guys have an awesome night. Sunshine

(I LOVE her name, by the way!)

First of all, I just want to tell Sunshine, thank you, for being an encourager and taking the time to say when you have admiration in your heart. So many people let those things go unsaid.

Secondly, yes, my parents are awesome! They are generous, kind-hearted people who worked hard their whole lives to give us the very best of all that they had. My dad is the same as a parent as he is with everything - fair and methodical. Growing up, he was patient with us whether tutoring us in homework every night or showing us how to woodwork in his shop. But he would also step us to discipline us when we needed it. (And just for the record, I'll say that my brother needed it more....though that may or may not actually be true. :) ) Dad has always worked hard at a sometimes stressful job so that my mother could be a stay-at-home mom. And my mom used that calling to the fullest, not content to just be a good home maker, but also a real role model. She has volunteered for both organizations and especially individuals for as long as I can remember. She has done everything from bake cupcakes for the school party to prison ministry to leading a pros*titut*e to Christ and then becoming her best friend. She is the best listener I think that God ever created and crafty and creative to boot. That is why I chose her to be the matron of honor in my wedding.

Both my parents insisted on humility from my brother and I and raised us with good morals and values...........BUT.....

We were not a Christian family.

During my time growing up in my parents home, I can only recall but a mere handful of times I attended a church, all of them different denominations and all but one because I had spent the night with a friend and gone to church with their family. Sundays to us were for mowing the lawn and watching football. And I don't really have memories of anyone in our circles of acquaintances attending church either. For me, it wasn't something I thought about. I didn't have enough knowledge of God to even know TO think about it. I had heard the term "God", sure, but the most thought I gave to Him was that of some intangible ideal. A mere word to describe who was responsible for things that couldn't easily be explained. Nothing more. I certainly never ascribed to God the idea of personhood or even personality or entity.

In college, through an INCREDIBLE set of circumstances that would take a book (but it would be an awesome read) to explain, God saw fit to make me aware of Him. For the first time in my life, I remember hearing the word "Savior" and having it explained to me. I heard about Jesus and His love for me and the way that He proved it by dying upon an old rugged cross as payment for MY sin! (And between high school and early college, there had been plenty of it, I can assure you. Let's just say, God built in me a testimony sufficient to deal with teenagers and not be surprised by a whole lot they tell me.) Then one by one, my family has come to know Him as well.

Even after salvation, I have made many mistakes. I have hurt and disappointed God and others at times. I have sometimes behaved as if there had never been a change in my heart. But those were the times that I looked away from Him and His grace. Those were the times I chose flesh and selfishness over serving Him. Or tried to "do the right thing," but in my own power and way, because I was too impatient to wait upon the Lord. If there is ANY THING good in me and my family, then God deserves 100% of the praise! And Sunshine, I do not mean to diminish your compliment one tiny bit or to make light or seem unappreciative. Quite the opposite! You encourage me when you say that you see something good in our character, because what you see is Him! Jesus! Even when I am not being so easy for Him to shine through, HE still makes the effort. HE takes all my shortcomings and turns them for good. JESUS came into this family who knew basically nothing of Him and gave us a new legacy! One that is available to WHOSOEVER WILL CALL UPON HIS NAME.

If ever there was a girl who people could point to and say "She is just not the "church" type, it was me! If ever there was somebody very distant from this knowledge, it was my family. So thank you, Sunshine. God has used you to let me explain very honestly, how it all comes back to Him. All we do is let Him, because we've all lived the other way and fallen flat on our backs. All we do is keep reaching out for Him, because we remember the times when we didn't, and we don't want to go there again. He does all the work, shines forth all the good, gives all the grace, and then, miraculously, chooses to bless us with it.

And after looking around Sunshine's blog for a little bit, it is evident she knows exactly what I am talking about!

My Name Is... IRL

I have a short list of blogs I check as often as I make it to the computer, which obviously hasn't been very often this week. (It's kinda been a crazy one...) One of my hands down very favorite blogs to visit is Big Blueberry Eyes. It's a slice of life for the Helferich's, a military family living in New Mexico and raising an adorable toddler, for whom the blog is aptly titled. Each week Michelle, the blog's author, describes her blessings for the week in a post (among others) called "Grains of Gratitude." I have often thought I would also like to contribute my post to this encouraging link list, but so far I haven't taken the time to figure it out. But this week, Michelle and her family would have made my short list, just as they do when I read blogs.

That's because I got to meet this sweet family in person! My very first IRL (In Real Life) meeting, and it was terrific. Michelle, her husband Joe and little Kayla have been enjoying a cross country three-week vacation to visit Michelle and Joe's parents and attend her sister's graduation. While reading of their adventures, I realized they would be passing back by right near where I live! So we agreed on a McDonald's that my hubby located for a meeting spot and made it a date.

My kids and I pulled into the parking lot not sure if we or they had arrived first. They had, twenty minutes before they estimated and we were ten minutes late due to a turnpike detour - they were so incredibly kind to wait on us since they had so much traveling left to do. My first hint was a gentleman smiling at us from inside the restaurant with a look of familiarity from the BBE blog photos. My kids filed out of the car and as we headed inside I saw them! The namesake for Michelle's blog. Those BIG humongous beautiful berry BLUE eyes! They shined with pure joy behind a glass pane window upon which her tiny nose was pressed. As we entered in, Kayla immediately offered the sweetest hug. She was a tiny little doll - and her eyes almost neon blue. We made introductions and ordered a snack and sat down.

The kids instantly made themselves at home with each other, even getting a bit rambunctious after being cooped up in our perspective cars. Like all toddlers often do, Kayla saw a yummy french fry and smoothly snuck it off my youngest son's wrapper. As Michelle started to apologize, I couldn't help but laugh inside thinking I knew she was about see my son for how I always describe him. But he said it too quietly for her to hear. Justice turned to me coyly with his eyes squinted and a goofy grin and whispered, "Mom, Kayla is really cute!" Then he BEGGED me not to tell Michelle, and I obliged for that afternoon, but I just had to share that with her now! He didn't mind that missing french fry one bit! :)

Joe and Michelle and Kayla were the kind of friends my husband and I would have in our every day lives. They were kind, humble and easy-going. We talked about their vacation, military life, our families, and of course, blogging. And I tried to thank them adequately enough for taking so much time out of a long day of driving just to say hello to a friend met online. They were just sweet precious people and I really enjoyed our time together. They now know our real names, just like our "real-life" friends, and that's from now on just how I'll view them. Thank you Joe, Michelle and Kayla for stopping to say "HI."

Edit To Add: I think it must be one of Kayla's life callings to give hugs. See this photo? There was tangible affection in that embrace, which she freely initiated. Pure, innocent, joyous encouragement. A little Grain of Gratitude for my week!

It's Not Fair!!!

This was the opening complaint of the majority of conversations around the M&M household today. It's so true what "they" say, that once you have a third child, your strategy switches to running defense. With three children and the more relaxed rules and schedule of summertime, it's pretty much impossible to know all of who is doing what at any given moment. Particularly today, since so many of those moments was supposed to be full of unpacking and organizing. Instead, they were spent in ENDLESS conversations on the need to improve behavior - read: H*ARD*CO*RE LECTURES THAT WERE BORING EVEN ME TO DEATH! Upon each investigation into what had led to an argument and who had instigated it, only one thing became clear. Only one thing the kids agreed unanimously upon. "Not Me" was pretty much responsible for all of it. The dirty dishes left out after meal time. The wet towel left in the middle of the kitchen floor that "Not Me" had also dirtied with mustard and cracker crumbs. He had also turned on the TV that was off limits and left muddy foot prints on the carpet. I was trying to be patient, but honestly, I HAD to get some things done and the reprimands had already robbed the entirety of the first three hours of my day. I hadn't even made a meal yet because we had spent so much time on the couch hashing out the details to determine that "Not Me" was once again the culprit.

So I did what I HATED as a kid. Blanket punishment. The ole' one - two. The ever infamous Baby Boomer favorite I dreaded - "Well then, you're all in trouble, go to your rooms." Much wailing and gnashing of teeth followed until they were relieved from their prisons in order to clean up the infraction. But ten minutes later, there we all were, hashing out the next ordeal. And so on and so on. Each time, the ones I'm really not confident to assume may have been innocent in that particular round protested "But that's not FAIR! I'M not the one who did it!" And I did feel sorry for them, although I still wasn't sure who should be the recipients of my sympathy, if indeed anyone. So after a morning and an afternoon full of the same whiny "It's just not FAIR!" my anger was kindled. Afraid I might explode, I asked in an overly calm tone, "Do you all want this to fair? Do you REALLY WANT fairness, because if you do, I will sit here and I will spend as long as it takes to figure this out ENTIRELY fairly. Is that what you REALLY WANT?"

"Yes!" They all agreed for second time all day! "All right" I said. "Go into the kitchen and get some carpet cleaner and a rag and come scrub the spots out of this dirty carpet. See, you all tracked the mud in the other day when it was raining, and it's not fair that I have to be the one to get down on my hands and knees to scrub it up!" Realizing they'd been duped, they obeyed with feigned enthusiasm, like this might actually be fun. (Gotta give 'em credit for that.) After 15 minutes and a ho-hum job, they came and chirped proudly "we cleaned the carpet, Mom!" "Gooooood" I replied with sappy pride. "Now go and clean out the bath tub because the dirt that sticks to the tub comes from the three of you when you bathe. It wouldn't be FAIR for me to have to clean it." But then they had a barrage of uneasy questions about what cleaner to use and how to all fit in there together and stuff. And I could have had the bathroom clean quicker than it was taking to answer all the questions. So I told them never mind. They could just mop the floors, do their laundry and hunt the paper for jobs to buy all the air conditioning they enjoy, since it's just not fair that their father and I pay for that for them. And thank goodness they got the point! I was really dreading having to make them clean out the refrigerator! Who knows what a fiasco that could have been!

But I'm liking this approach. The next time something's not FAIR, I'm going to happily hand over the spray-n-wash, spatula, AND the telephone and offer to pick up that toy for them that thoughtless ole' "Not Me" left laying around again!

On Being Pure

I realize I haven't been posting much and I think it's because I feel obligated to update on Faith. But I want to spend ample time writing that post and ample time is in short supply right now with summer in full swing. That's a good thing. So just to clarify, there are no specific problems on that front. Things are fine. I've just been really busy. I WILL write that post, God willing, eventually when I'm not so flighty. Until then, though, I wanted to explain myself so I can feel free to post the more trivial stuff that I'd like to record until I can give that proper attention.
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I try to avoid that particular gas station if I can. It's remotely located in a dimly lit corner of the Interstate. It has holes in the walls and cashiers who are difficult to understand. But sometimes when we are low on gas, it's the only one near enough to our rural home. So in the bright sunshine of afternoon, I ventured in. The gas gauge on my SUV family wagon read empty. Dalton spoke up from the back seat. "Mom, I'll pump the gas for you." O.K. I reasoned. It's rush hour. There's lots of highway traffic. And I am feeling tired. My kids love to pump the gas for me. It's a chore that makes them feel grown up. "Hey, Mom. While the gas is pumping, can I go in to the bathroom? I have to go.....bad!" He knows how I hate these restrooms. So he reassured me, "I promise I won't touch anything." I didn't even have to answer. His sister said it all. "Well, I have to go too, but I'm waiting until we get home! The Bible says I'm supposed to be pure and there is NO WAY you can keep that commandment in their restrooms!" I. Could Not. Quit. Laughing! Sometimes, I just love the fickleness that being a girl affords us!

Summer Camp

I guess I sort of expected it to be easier to blog in the summer once things have slowed down a bit, but the trouble is, they haven't! In the "relaxation, spend-time-together-and-not-have-as-rigid-of-a-schedule" kind of way they have, but in the sit-down-at-the-computer-and-have-a-specific-time-to-type-each-evening kind of way, not so much.

My oldest son just returned from a week of camp. Welcoming him home yesterday was an all-day event. It was so nice to have him home. It was the first time he has gone anywhere more than overnight without being with SOMEONE in our family. But I felt remarkably calm about it the entire time. First, because he was in the capable hands of our church counselors, the main one of which is one of my best friends. But also because I trust him. This past year he has really started to show the kind of responsibility that makes me feel O.K. about letting him try the new ventures that approaching teenager-dom brings. He has always been a "good" kid, basically obedient to his father and me, but now we are beginning to test his responses when we are not right there to guide him and this week, he has made us proud. He took first place in the instrumental solo division for his age group, which made me so happy because he has only been playing since Christmas, but we are always stressing to our kids the extreme importance of PRACTICE to be successful at any thing. He has done that. And it paid off.

But more so, I was proud of him and my friend's daughter for including their friend in their puppet skit. The friend is mentally handicapped and can not read well, so every time his turn came (an equal part to theirs), the flow of the scene was interrupted. This is a team who without this boy took first place last year, but chose this year to include their friend, even with some other kids tempting them "you won't win with him in it." But they chose their friend and his feelings over an un-guarenteed win or temporary recognition, and without the prompting of her mother or me. I loved watching them practice together. Just three friends having fun and doing their best. I'm glad they weren't given any special consideration. I'm convinced that with more time to practice together, they are going to do even better next year.

I have been surprised at so much this year about my reactions to this changing phase in my son's life. This phase where as a parent, you slow the teaching and lecturing and let them go ahead and fail and make mistakes so they can learn in real time the consequences, good and bad, of certain actions. I thought I would be a basket case having him gone all week. And I thought I would kind of hope he would be a bit of basket case without me too. But it's nice, watching this child you've put so much effort into parenting, becoming their own person. It's nice to get a front row seat to who they are going to be in this world, different AND the same as ourselves. And yes, of course it's nice to get to know they will eventually miss you just as much as you miss them. For both of us that happened on Thursday, the night before they returned home. All week, when I had spoke to him, Dalton was eager to hurry the conversation and get back to being a part of whatever antics were taking place inside his cabin. And I was too thrilled for all the fun he was having to wish any feelings of home sickness upon him. But Thursday evening, the conversation lingered until we had talked out everything about what Dalton had done that day, what they served in chow hall, why there were no pranks allowed this year and random details of bugs in suitcases, somebody getting in trouble for something, or something that had struck him in a preaching message. Then after a few seconds of silence between us while I overheard him laughing at a friend's cell phone tone in the background, I offered "well, I guess we don't have anything left to say" he said to me "that's O.K. We can just sit here." SIGH. That's quite a Valentine from a boy to his mama - and he doesn't even know it. :)

Sorry for the confusion on the last post. The birthday greetings were for my good friend's husband and daughter. They celebrate on the same day and have recently moved away, so I was missing being there to watch them open presents and eat cake together. :(

Our Time In Texas

Maybe it's no coincidence that my parents left the lone star state just as we were making our way in? While they went to Arkansas for the weekend, hubby and I headed to Lake Texoma for an annual client vacation sponsored by one of my husband's suppliers. Each year for a weekend they put us up in a beautiful resort, feed us all of our meals (grilled on a smoker by their own private cook) and generally spoil us rotten. And every year I return thinking that year was better than the last.

There are a variety of activities to choose from and each year we do something different. The other contractors that attend with us each year also make our time so fun and relaxing. They are all such wonderful people - about 4 to 5 couples and our host. This was the first year that it rained while we were there, but that only added to the beauty of our arrival night tradition, in my opinion. Friday night we arrive to an Angus steak dinner processed within miles of our resort, so it is the freshest, most tasty steak you will ever eat! Oh, My, Word.....It is yummy! (And I don't usually even eat beef.) With it are giant farmer's market skin-on baked potatoes and salad. Dinner is served on the company's private dock with views of million dollar boats, neon palm trees, and dark glassy water.

After everyone is feeling happy from full bellies, we load onto the boat! It's forty-something feet of something like a pontoon-yacht. The deck is full two stories above water level and we always set sail at dusk to watch the sun set. This year, of course, the skies were grey instead of a brilliant red, but I just LOVED sitting in the soft mist out there with no other boats to maneuver, watching the drops create tiny holes and ripples in the water. And the new captain this year stayed out a lot longer, so we were able to do a lot of reacquainting with the other guests while on the cruise.

Saturday, our host - one of my hubby's friends, another client, my husband and I played 18 holes of golf in the warm and breezy sunshine while the others went fishing. Now, my husband and I are not avid golfers, but we SO WOULD BE if we had the time! So holes 1-4, I considered successful if I even made contact with the ball. It was icing on the cake if I actually hit it into terrain that made the ball locate-able. :) But our host (who actually comes in a shot or two one side or the other of par) studied my form and added a tip every two holes or so for me to practice. By hole 8 or 9, I was doing decently enough to make some very long drives and stay entirely on the green. (Of course, getting tired by hole 16 and beyond, I also filled up a pond with free balls for any kid willing to fish them out and ended up playing hole 17 from the green of hole one - ha ha.) And I won't lie. We completely did revert back to teenage antics on the golf carts, racing and cutting each other off and laughing like little kids. Great times!!

Saturday night, we ventured up into "The Tower," a classy lounge featuring overstuffed leather arm chairs directed toward 270 degree views of the Christmas-lighted marina through two-story floor-to-ceiling glass windows. BEAUTIFUL!!! This is where we ladies get to shed the laid-back lake attire and dress up just a little. No certain dress required; just enjoying being a bit girly. The seating arrangement there is so intimate that our party was able to meet other people staying at the resort and we all left feeling like old friends. I absolutely love getting to know people, their stories, where they are from and what they are about. It fascinates me to learn how we all come to be who we are.

Sunday morning, after the most delectable griddle baked breakfast and fishing off the dock, we headed back home to get the kids so we could ready my son for camp early Monday morning. But the trip home wasn't without it's adventures either! About an hour into our travels, we heard a loud slapping sound coming from underneath our car. We pulled over and inspected the tires to find exactly what we had suspected from the sound. Our tire tread was peeling. We were discussing whether to use the donut spare or look for a local tire shop (on a Sunday, out in the boonies) when DH noticed the OTHER front tire had metal coming through IT'S tread! (This car has been our first big lemon in NUMEROUS ways!) We decided with only one spare, an un-even ride would not be the smartest choice. So we consulted the map, picked a back route and started ever so slowly toward the next big, small town. No where open. So we continued to the next. No tires our size in stock. And on and on it went from town to town. Finally, as we approached the metro and called five different shops, we realized our tires we not going to be available in stock anywhere, so we had to drive the last 70 miles of the trip on the back roads, with a stop sign every mile, and coming to a SLOW stop to save the tread! It. Took. Forever!

My sweet MIL brought the kids to us so we wouldn't have another hour out on the roads to go get them. As soon as we pulled in, I rushed my son up to church for his last practice (they compete at camp in areas like singing, preaching, instrumental solos, etc. and sports), where his group and their parents had waited on him for almost two hours. Sweet people! After practice, we stopped for supplies at Walmart, bought drive-through food and returned home for dinner after 10:00! I still had laundry to do for camp. So, I ended up packing until 4 am. If this post is long and rambling, well, I'm now officially way to old too pull all-nighters anymore, especially after whooping it up late all weekend!

The point of all this is, I had a great time. Even the tire fiasco - since it afforded me several more hours alone with my hubby and a whole lotta belly laughing and memories!!! That's what I've been wanting. And in His time and IN HIS OWN VERY UNIQUE WAY, God gave me that. And He kept us safe! He really is GOOD.

I have so much I want to record about our past month, but it will take several posts. I haven't forgotten about all my teases. My draft list is incredibly long right now with titles to jog my memory so I can get all caught up. My daughter, summer, our vacation property scout trip, etc. And my wrist is healing so if I don't get stupid and over use it, I'm ready to type away. I also can't wait to read what everyone has been up to. Hope you all have a great day!

P.S. Happy Birthday T. and H., daddy and daughter, 30-blah-blah and SIX years old! We miss y'all!