Sweet Public Sundays

After much mental game-playing to try to delay such realizations, I have finally conceded that my life is entering a drastically different phase from the previous few years. And I am finally beginning to even embrace it. I am finally giving in to the idea that my home will never again be filled with a multitude of half-filled sippy cups. I will no longer hear the sounds of sing-songy cartoon themes like Dora The Explorer or Blues Clues blasting from a TV that no one is even watching. Now my kids would rather watch pre-teen sitcoms that require far more vigilance in screening beforehand. The toys that filled the living room floor and burdened a clean path to the kitchen are gone. The children are starting to prefer role play in their rooms instead. They like to open the window and pretend it's a fast food drive-through. And more and more, they are preferring to play these games with friends, peers their own ages, rather than just with Mom and Dad.

Dalton, especially, is getting to that age where a kiss on the cheek is a little too uncomfortable for the school drop-off line. Instead, he'll just lean his head down for me to ruffle his hair and tell him I love him in his ear, though it looks like I could just be reminding him there is lunch money in the small pocket of his backpack. The funny thing is, I thought when he ever got that way, I might be offended. But I'm not. Because he doesn't come across at all as if he is embarrassed of us now that he is growing up. It's more like HE needs to start believing that he is going to have what it takes to be on his own one day, because instinctively he is beginning to realize that will eventually be the case. And I instinctively want to encourage him that he will one day do well as his own man, even as I secretly pray that day would be a very long time in coming.

Thankfully, every night lately I have been noticing that as I sit on the sofa to help my daughter with her homework, Dalton comes to sit beside me and leans his head against my shoulder as he and I listen to her read. He's very subtle. Sometimes it even takes me a couple of minutes to realize he is there. I am so engulfed in helping her to sound out the more difficult words. Occasionally, he'll even slip his arm around my neck as he sits with me.

But on Sundays, this ritual makes it's only public appearance. After years of participation in Children's Church, this is Dalton's first year to come into regular services. No more brightly colored pictures of the most popular Bible stories. No more macaroni glued to form scenes on the back of a paper plate. My son is now expected to sit with the adults and hear the preaching of God's Holy Word. Sometimes the subject matter still seems a tad too tender for his innocent ears. I know it's inevitable he'll hear about topics such as war and church strife and sex SOMEWHERE, if not in church, but still........I'm longing for the days when learning to tie his shoes was his biggest worry in life.

So this morning, as the past few Sunday mornings, I couldn't help but smile with sweet satisfaction as Dalton leaned his head against my shoulder right there on the pew for all to see. He even grabbed my hand and held it in my lap as he listened to the pastor preach about end times and trusting God in times of persecution. He could have chosen to sit with his friends, but instead he leaned on me and made comments or asked questions only at purely appropriate moments. He's getting so grown up that way. And I just thanked God for His marvelous grace. That He saw fit to make it so that they leave us very slowly. And that when they do, they are far more prepared than they probably recognize. Hopefully, far more prepared than I feel like I will be. But for now, I just love that head breathing softly on my shoulder as I soak in God's reminders to us both. That though we don't see Him, He will always be with us. One day, when my son leaves my home and goes wherever it is that God's plan is leading him, my strongest hope is that he will remember that. And know that he has a mom back at "home" who feels the same way!