It's Not Fair!!!

This was the opening complaint of the majority of conversations around the M&M household today. It's so true what "they" say, that once you have a third child, your strategy switches to running defense. With three children and the more relaxed rules and schedule of summertime, it's pretty much impossible to know all of who is doing what at any given moment. Particularly today, since so many of those moments was supposed to be full of unpacking and organizing. Instead, they were spent in ENDLESS conversations on the need to improve behavior - read: H*ARD*CO*RE LECTURES THAT WERE BORING EVEN ME TO DEATH! Upon each investigation into what had led to an argument and who had instigated it, only one thing became clear. Only one thing the kids agreed unanimously upon. "Not Me" was pretty much responsible for all of it. The dirty dishes left out after meal time. The wet towel left in the middle of the kitchen floor that "Not Me" had also dirtied with mustard and cracker crumbs. He had also turned on the TV that was off limits and left muddy foot prints on the carpet. I was trying to be patient, but honestly, I HAD to get some things done and the reprimands had already robbed the entirety of the first three hours of my day. I hadn't even made a meal yet because we had spent so much time on the couch hashing out the details to determine that "Not Me" was once again the culprit.

So I did what I HATED as a kid. Blanket punishment. The ole' one - two. The ever infamous Baby Boomer favorite I dreaded - "Well then, you're all in trouble, go to your rooms." Much wailing and gnashing of teeth followed until they were relieved from their prisons in order to clean up the infraction. But ten minutes later, there we all were, hashing out the next ordeal. And so on and so on. Each time, the ones I'm really not confident to assume may have been innocent in that particular round protested "But that's not FAIR! I'M not the one who did it!" And I did feel sorry for them, although I still wasn't sure who should be the recipients of my sympathy, if indeed anyone. So after a morning and an afternoon full of the same whiny "It's just not FAIR!" my anger was kindled. Afraid I might explode, I asked in an overly calm tone, "Do you all want this to fair? Do you REALLY WANT fairness, because if you do, I will sit here and I will spend as long as it takes to figure this out ENTIRELY fairly. Is that what you REALLY WANT?"

"Yes!" They all agreed for second time all day! "All right" I said. "Go into the kitchen and get some carpet cleaner and a rag and come scrub the spots out of this dirty carpet. See, you all tracked the mud in the other day when it was raining, and it's not fair that I have to be the one to get down on my hands and knees to scrub it up!" Realizing they'd been duped, they obeyed with feigned enthusiasm, like this might actually be fun. (Gotta give 'em credit for that.) After 15 minutes and a ho-hum job, they came and chirped proudly "we cleaned the carpet, Mom!" "Gooooood" I replied with sappy pride. "Now go and clean out the bath tub because the dirt that sticks to the tub comes from the three of you when you bathe. It wouldn't be FAIR for me to have to clean it." But then they had a barrage of uneasy questions about what cleaner to use and how to all fit in there together and stuff. And I could have had the bathroom clean quicker than it was taking to answer all the questions. So I told them never mind. They could just mop the floors, do their laundry and hunt the paper for jobs to buy all the air conditioning they enjoy, since it's just not fair that their father and I pay for that for them. And thank goodness they got the point! I was really dreading having to make them clean out the refrigerator! Who knows what a fiasco that could have been!

But I'm liking this approach. The next time something's not FAIR, I'm going to happily hand over the spray-n-wash, spatula, AND the telephone and offer to pick up that toy for them that thoughtless ole' "Not Me" left laying around again!