A Lil' Bit Of R&R- Not Available In All Areas, Certain Conditions May Apply

So the hubby's been working insanely long hours trying to acquire an income after days and weeks of rain earlier this summer and ice earlier this year. And the temperature has been about as blistery as his nerves while working in it. So he surprised us today, by coming home early and suggesting a little family fun time was in order. Then he tried to convince us what a blast it would be watching him nap. I thought paying bills sounded slightly more fun, so I did while he slept a few minutes. At least until the neighbor boy noticed signs of life through our windows (that would be the shades briskly shutting) and took that as his cue to run over and ring the doorbell multiple times, because Boy Scouts are nothing if not thorough.

Once hubby was up, he decided he did feel in the mood to go and do something (besides kick the neighbor boy's pants!) as long as it was something that would require little activity and wouldn't fry him like an egg. He suggested the amusement park.

Just let that sink in.

At least his tired overworked brain cells gave him a taste of the daily confusion I experience as his suburban homemaker bride. We settled on dinner, a baseball game and a stroll through down town. We thought at least at the ball park, the crowd would be more mellow than the folks slinging sweat and comparing tattoos at the Tiltawhirl.

Um, we would be wrong.

You know those conversations you have from time to time that really aren't exactly conversations, but a repetitive script you don't realize you are participating in? Like when the waitress, smiling, leads you to your little corner of respite and asks "Will this table be O.K.?" And automatically you respond "yes, thank you."

Why did I do that?

I didn't understand until tonight the dramatic effect "Gray's Anatomy" has had on pop culture, but we were the only people to share a room with twenty or so medical personnel who have apparently taken the show way too seriously. I know because in their amplified drunken voices, they were "discussing" their LOVE LIVES! AND THE COMPLEXITY OF THEIR UNIFORMS! AND HOW A TWELFTH BEER MIGHT REALLY GIVE CLARITY TO UNDERSTANDING THEIR BOSSES DISDAIN FOR THEM! I MEAN, WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ABOUT THEIR PROFESSIONALISM AFTER ALL! And did you know that complimenting a nurse on the enormity of certain ones of her body parts is completely acceptable (even welcome) while wasted?

My favorite was when the one girl at one end of the table asked the guy clear at the other end of the table (makes sense) WHAT TODAY'S DATE IS! "AUGUST 10th I THINK. I'M PRETTY SURE!" For some reason I apparently wasn't intoxicated enough to understand, this was an uproarious medical joke! Because the laughter from the entire group at the table didn't subside for a full ten minutes. Funny, funny stuff I tell you! At least it was to my kids, who were loving the fact that these people actually seemed to appreciate them quietly mocking their idiocy. "Who's gonna work on them later when they fall off the curb?" we joked. They were getting to laugh AT these people; not with them -what a treat!

I was just happy for the example. "See kids. Alcohol is bad. It's makes one very stupid." At least until we ourselves became part of the entertainment, in the form of my son's first-ever nose bleed. For no apparent reason, other than a more complete fulfillment of Murphy's law, his nose began gushing blood while situating ketchup on his plate. It (blood, not ketchup) was falling onto the table, into his plate, and smearing across him arm and hands in an attempt to stop it. Oh, the fun was really crankin' up now. I scooped him into my arms and had to carry him the length of the restaurant while blood was flying into food. Oh, no, I just wish I was exaggerating. All eyes were on us as a ripple of pale-faced onlookers put down their forks, nauseated, and waiters squinted at us with glares of "Great, there go my tips!" Of course, my son's only concern was "not the women's bathroom, Mom! Everyone will laugh at me! Don't take me in the girl's!" Yeah, I'm not so sure it's your XY chromosome they're gawking at right now, son.

Mercifully, hubby had the good sense to meet us at the bathrooms where we were able to make our great escape through the back doors, with nary a waiter willing to complain about it. As the nosebleed subsided, we made our way over to the stadium just in time for the national anthem and enthusiastic shouts of "play ball!" The game was GREAT! The atmosphere was FANTASTIC! The guy behind us was....SO WEIRD! I really can't even describe why. His conversation just sort of resembled, well, no one I've ever heard. "You see that guy right there. Hey, you see him? Yeah, balloons are blue all right. Uh huh." Let's just say, I don't really think a Bud is wiser when you've been sipping them since breakfast already. Luckily, though, we just "got" to hear his unusual take on puffy clouds and parakeets. It was the cute kids behind us who were faced with having to try to ignore or respond to his friendliness. Fortunately for us. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

All in all, one good thing I can say about our evening is that, miraculously, the kids avoided having to see brains splattered all over the highway on the way home from the two bikers who decided to drag race through bumper to bumper traffic. And the memories from our night together will certainly be cemented firmly into adulthood! After all, the family who nosebleeds and walks through sticky puddles on the floor together.......well, whatever. Oh! And I didn't have to cook. That right there pretty much makes it ALL worth it, don't cha think!