Grown Up Christmas List

For ten excruciatingly long years, we dealt with major trials. From a parent's passing to miscarriage of our second child to overwhelming amounts of responsibility without any kind of even temporary rest, to agonizing marital issues, financial support of our family and a brother's death. We've learned an awful lot. We've learned what it's like to have friends and even unknown friends of friends rally around us to our utter astonishment. And caring so lacking I thought it would kill me. But this year, well, we learned how to rest.

2007 was good to us. It was normal. The problems this year weren't nonexistent, but run of the mill. Even welcome because they challenged us to more genuine teamwork. We worked a lot this year on our marriage. And work is just that - work! It's hard! But at least we both tried and made greater strides than ever before. For that I am so very thankful.

But I also realized something else this year. That sometimes it also hurts to know that while you are getting your break, someone else is inevitably fighting their own battle of a lifetime. This was the year that my precious niece Ashley spent many months in an Omaha hospital recuperating from a triple organ transplant. (Though I saw her tonight and she amazed me with a new talent!) It's the year my sister in law was diagnosed with health issues that she's much too young to have to face. A precious blog sister, Amy Wilhoite said goodbye to her husband and son and hello to Jesus. A couple I would have picked very last on this earth to divorce, did. Their kids are devastated and I am in shock!

2007 is the year I think I finally REALLY began to understand that suffering is JUST A SYMPTOM of a world that is STILL IN NEED of Jesus. That it's often, but not ALWAYS, about growth and learning. Sometimes, it's just to remind us that there is something EVEN BETTER than this life to hope towards. Jesus already came once to this world to do His part in His plan of the redemption of mankind. It is this coming that we will celebrate in two days on that magical anniversary called "Christmas." 2007 was the year that I really EARNESTLY began to focus on the fact that He came that once so that eventually He would return again! And there are certain days when I just feel like it can't be soon enough.

It's not that life is bad, by any means. This was probably the best year in the nearly 13 years that I have been a Mrs. But while I've been taking a much needed rest, I've watched others from the outside, gracefully bearing their own crosses and I hurt for them instead of myself. I'm thinking of my homeless friend, Dwight, who made me SOOOOO proud by being sober all year despite a forty year addiction, untreated hallucinations from Vietnam, illiteracy and a lot of judgement from those who don't even bother to know him. He taught me so much this year. I would gladly return every present underneath our tree to buy him some dentures if I could convince him to go. He's not bitter, and he's not too proud. I think he's just scared. And I can't say that I blame him.

My kids were asking me yesterday in the car my favorite fast and slow Christmas song. That's easy. "Sleigh Ride" has always been my very favorite peppy song for the Christmas season. And my favorite ballad has always been "O' Holy Night." I LOVE those lyrics. But another song has been forefront on my mind this year in particular. It is playing now. I love these lyrics. I think they are absolutely beautiful!

Music by David Foster

Lyrics by Linda Thompson

Do you remember me?

I sat upon your knee.

I wrote to you

With childhood fantasies.

Well, I'm all grown up now.

Can you still help somehow?

I'm not a child

But my heart still can dream.

So here's my lifelong wish,

My grown-up Christmas list,

Not for myself

But for a world in need -

No more lives torn apart,

That wars would never start,

And time would heal all hearts.

Every man would have a friend,

That right would always win,

And love would never end.

This is my grown-upChristmas list.

What is this illusion called

The innocence of youth?

Maybe only in their blind belief

Can we ever find the truth.

There'd be no more lives torn apart,

And wars would never start,

And time would heal all hearts.

Every man would have a friend,

And right would always win,

And love would never end.

This is my grown-up Christmas list;

This is my only lifelong wish.

This is my grown-up Christmas list!

Not even Santa can offer all these things. But Jesus does! It's in a place called Heaven, where I have no doubt Amy is entirely free from the same burdens her husband and young son now face. But the only way to find it is to follow Him. I know His path has changed the course of my life in ways I would never have imagined. That path is not perfect. It's had many bumps and turns. But the One leading the way - He is. I'm just glad that path wound through a world in need. That He decided to leave the encompassing comfort and perfection of Heaven to inhabit a sometimes dark Earth. And knowing that He has promised to return again, I can press my nose to the glass and eagerly await His arrival - the next CHRISTMAS.