The Necesssity of His Blood, My Sweat, and A Few Stress-Releasing Tears.....Or - Preparations To Be Better For Others In The Long Run!

Oh, how I want this post to make sense, and yet I'd rather just get it out there raw in the (very) few minutes I have, whether or not it sounds polished or even checked for grammar and spelling errors. I am a girl, after all, and sometimes I just need to talk, to get it all out before I explode. I have come to realize over the past few months that done occasionally, that's not a bad thing. In fact, I think that sometimes it is quite necessary. My past few weeks have been stressful. Really stressful. It's been one of those periods we all face in life where my plate has been overloaded, not because of anything I've chosen, but just because from time to time, we do all face those periods in life. Some of the choices I've made have been excruciating. I do not like to fail people. And because of the shear number of problems to be tackled and the fact that I am a mortal confined to a 24 hour day, some REALLY IMPORTANT things have had to slide. I hate that. ESPECIALLY where it concerns relationships. ESPECIALLY because I have been reminded in the past few days that they are not promised us forever. Two of my oldest friends and someones instrumental to my understanding of true Christianity, said goodbye forever to their beautiful, precious and Godly 20-year-old daughter last Saturday. She was hit head on by a drunk driver. My heart aches in an indescribable way for her parents, my friends. And again, I HATE that I will not be able to cook a meal or communicate much more than with a card. I have had lingering issues within my own four walls for quite some time now. And it has become apparent that for every time I stop to do some small something for someone else, which I much prefer, the problem has only worsened. Now we face certain things that have only zapped more precious time from our lives. Three of the five of us are facing serious health issues for the first time in our lives. I have to concentrate for a while on just us, exclusively on our family. And that's hard for me. Perhaps because it feels selfish, or maybe I've just been too prone to guilt trips. I certainly have felt pressured to keep a fresh face and "not complain." I guess I just haven't yet figured out how to share a problem without it sounding like a complaint. Because I don't FEEL hopeless about our situation. I'm just feeling like I need to REALLY CONCENTRATE on it, and to talk about it a lot, so I can hear it back more objectively I guess. And to let others know I haven't forgotten them. I've chosen to ignore them for a time because I feel like I have to. That's HARD! And then I'm probably feeling like I need to defend that choice, because it doesn't put others ahead of ourselves. But the point is, I've come to a place where I'm not organized or energetic enough to BE A HELP until I take care of a few things to gain efficiency and health.

I don't know why I'm even typing this, really. I guess because I've been too "busy" to talk otherwise. And I hate that as well. I have come to believe that busy-ness is rarely a virtue. I have learned to "be still and know God." And I don't want to miss that! Oh, how to balance? Well, one project at a time. One hour at a time, or one minute at a time, if need be. And lots of hope that I can give grace and yes, I certainly do want to receive it as well.

I will get through this time. Or I won't. But either way, the Lord will have His way. In that, I may at times feel pain. Well, O.K. I most certainly DO, definitely sometimes. But I also find comfort in it. Because it's true. And Truth can be trusted. Every. Single. Time.