There is not another person on earth who has probably even noticed. It seems like such an insignificant thing, but to me it represents the quiet smile of God reminding me of His presence after such a long and trying past month. August 5th is on a Sunday, our Lord's Day. And it will be the three month anniversary of my daughter's salvation. I just think it is a special small fact that God ordained before time to have that milestone occur on a Sunday, where I will have time to focus so fully on what a blessing her conversion has been.
I used to say that the single most important event in my life was coming to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I don't say it because it's the "right" thing to say or because it's the "Christian" thing to believe. I say it because it's true. Without that day, January 2, 1994, there would have been no wedding day, no births of my children, no certain unique experiences God has allowed us to have. At least not ones covered in the knowledge of his Mercy. I KNOW that my life would have taken an altogether different direction - because so VERY many of the choices I have made since that day have not been my choices at all, but His. Choices I didn't understand or necessarily even trust at the time that I made them. But I trusted Him, so I followed and was blessed beyond anything I could have imagined. I was also tried more than I ever expected. But I have ALWAYS been about doing my best, even as a lost heathen muddling through this old world, and I believe that the greater callings require greater sacrifice. (Thank you, God, for our voluntary military! They are my heroes. Please keep them safe.)
But three months ago, in the dark of midnight with quiet tears of joy dotting my cheeks, all I could think was "THIS beats even my own salvation. THIS is the GREATEST blessing I will ever be handed." Watching these A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, emerging young sinful saints covered in grace ETERNALLY! And knowing that my God, the Almighty Alpha and Omega, is developing in them a unique plan that no one else on this Earth can fulfill. And that He's actually allowing me to have an unearned, undeserved part in it all! I lay there most of that night considering my family's past, how NONE of us had any sort of a testimony at all and really NO KNOWLEDGE of who Jesus Christ was. I had heard His name, but never in conjunction with the word Savior. I knew there was Him and Moses and Jonah and Jonah had an ark, whatever that was. But I couldn't have told you what else any of them were known for or who was the more important of the three.
But as I prayed that night I thought about the story I'd read several times by now about Moses. How he'd offered to take the punishment of death and hell for the sins of his people the Israelites if God would just forgive them once again. (Exo. 32:32) I'd always wondered how any human gets that kind of a love, that would give up his own salvation for the redemption of another. I believe Moses knew and believed that God would not take his salvation away because I believe he knew that it was not based upon his own actions in the first place. But he was willing. And now I understand that urgency, because it's how I feel about my own children. They are God's, but they are a heritage from the Lord. (Psa. 127:3) Not just a gift, but a HERITAGE. A glimpse into all the wonder of God's parental side. Children, I believe, teach us as much about the love of God for us than anything else ever could. And they teach us how to love more like Christ just in their existing. How could Moses and how can I love that much? The answer is the same as it is for EVERYTHING.
J E S U S
On the day that my daughter gave her life away to God on Cinco de Mayo of this year, God answered MANY prayers. First and foremost, He answered her prayer to come into her heart and cleanse her of her sins and teach her to walk in His ways. But he also answered prayers I have uttered since before even becoming pregnant. My best friend miscarried her first baby just weeks after I miscarried our second. She said to me, as she tried to find comfort, "I prayed to God that he would never let us have a child that wouldn't decide to one day become a Christian. Maybe even this is an answer to my prayers." As sad as that sounds, I think every loving Christian mother understands her thinking. Having my children come to know TRUE salvation apart from religion has been the one prayer I have asked for them since before they were knit together in my womb.
My older son made his commitment to Christ the Friday before Thanksgiving of 2004. It was equally as exciting for days and months like with my daughter. But he has always been a naturally compliant kid. Of course, one sin makes us fall short of the glory of God. His salvation was every bit as necessary as with my daughter! It meant every bit as much. But my daughter is the one I worried more about needing Divine guidance through her life with her choices. She just has more of a personality that wants to jump in and try new things and think through the consequences later. Or she did. God has done a MIGHTY work in this sweet girl. She is so thoughtful in her actions, so measured now in her decisions. She was the first to go to her room and pray for her parents when she saw that we were struggling to maintain a rational level to our "discussion" the other day. She radiates her Lord! She is still ornery and funny and still loves a good time. And she is still ornery. And ornery. But she puts Jesus first. If it will not bring honor to Him, she more often no longer finds an action worth it. She bears fruit. She is a new creature, created in Christ Jesus. And I will be eternally grateful to my Savior for getting to be there when the cocoon, the shroud of sin, broke, and that exquisite new creation emerged. She still sins. She still gets into trouble and irritates her brothers less frequently, but she now CARES. She is repentant, rather than so disturbingly delighted at her fleshly actions.
Our family, the one I am in and the one I am from has a legacy now of being ones who want to follow Jesus. Ones who are known for reading their Bibles and going to church and trying their best to respond to things according to Scripture. Sometimes we follow Jesus on our hands and knees begging. Sometimes we follow Him after getting lost at the detours. So often we get distracted, take our eyes off Him and tend to forget where we are going. But He doesn't. He's promised to seal us unto the day of redemption. (Eph. 4:30; II Tim. 1:12) We're sometimes lost on the trail, but He isn't. He promised to get us home safely. I trust Him to be able to do that despite how I walk. I am crippled and lame and clueless so often and my stride in the race looks more like a drunk on a storm-tossed ship than a graceful sprint. At times, so will my sons'. So will my daughter's. But I won't leave them alone on the side of the road just because they stumble. In fact, that just makes me as a parent want to help them all the more. They may eventually sometime look like a heap of useless clay laying alongside the road, but that's my heritage there in that heap. I want to wait and be patient and help them to their feet those times more than any other. That's my parental side. That's what it means to be CREATED IN HIS IMAGE. I am like that because He is like that and I was made to be like Him. He is the Light. That bright beacon guiding us Home. And I am just ecstatic that my older children's eyes have been opened to see that Light. No longer must they rely solely on a stronger but stumbling runner to pull them along. Now they have that brighter beacon than myself to guide them along as well. And that is most surely my most favorite blessing.
I used to say that the single most important event in my life was coming to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I don't say it because it's the "right" thing to say or because it's the "Christian" thing to believe. I say it because it's true. Without that day, January 2, 1994, there would have been no wedding day, no births of my children, no certain unique experiences God has allowed us to have. At least not ones covered in the knowledge of his Mercy. I KNOW that my life would have taken an altogether different direction - because so VERY many of the choices I have made since that day have not been my choices at all, but His. Choices I didn't understand or necessarily even trust at the time that I made them. But I trusted Him, so I followed and was blessed beyond anything I could have imagined. I was also tried more than I ever expected. But I have ALWAYS been about doing my best, even as a lost heathen muddling through this old world, and I believe that the greater callings require greater sacrifice. (Thank you, God, for our voluntary military! They are my heroes. Please keep them safe.)
But three months ago, in the dark of midnight with quiet tears of joy dotting my cheeks, all I could think was "THIS beats even my own salvation. THIS is the GREATEST blessing I will ever be handed." Watching these A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, emerging young sinful saints covered in grace ETERNALLY! And knowing that my God, the Almighty Alpha and Omega, is developing in them a unique plan that no one else on this Earth can fulfill. And that He's actually allowing me to have an unearned, undeserved part in it all! I lay there most of that night considering my family's past, how NONE of us had any sort of a testimony at all and really NO KNOWLEDGE of who Jesus Christ was. I had heard His name, but never in conjunction with the word Savior. I knew there was Him and Moses and Jonah and Jonah had an ark, whatever that was. But I couldn't have told you what else any of them were known for or who was the more important of the three.
But as I prayed that night I thought about the story I'd read several times by now about Moses. How he'd offered to take the punishment of death and hell for the sins of his people the Israelites if God would just forgive them once again. (Exo. 32:32) I'd always wondered how any human gets that kind of a love, that would give up his own salvation for the redemption of another. I believe Moses knew and believed that God would not take his salvation away because I believe he knew that it was not based upon his own actions in the first place. But he was willing. And now I understand that urgency, because it's how I feel about my own children. They are God's, but they are a heritage from the Lord. (Psa. 127:3) Not just a gift, but a HERITAGE. A glimpse into all the wonder of God's parental side. Children, I believe, teach us as much about the love of God for us than anything else ever could. And they teach us how to love more like Christ just in their existing. How could Moses and how can I love that much? The answer is the same as it is for EVERYTHING.
J E S U S
On the day that my daughter gave her life away to God on Cinco de Mayo of this year, God answered MANY prayers. First and foremost, He answered her prayer to come into her heart and cleanse her of her sins and teach her to walk in His ways. But he also answered prayers I have uttered since before even becoming pregnant. My best friend miscarried her first baby just weeks after I miscarried our second. She said to me, as she tried to find comfort, "I prayed to God that he would never let us have a child that wouldn't decide to one day become a Christian. Maybe even this is an answer to my prayers." As sad as that sounds, I think every loving Christian mother understands her thinking. Having my children come to know TRUE salvation apart from religion has been the one prayer I have asked for them since before they were knit together in my womb.
My older son made his commitment to Christ the Friday before Thanksgiving of 2004. It was equally as exciting for days and months like with my daughter. But he has always been a naturally compliant kid. Of course, one sin makes us fall short of the glory of God. His salvation was every bit as necessary as with my daughter! It meant every bit as much. But my daughter is the one I worried more about needing Divine guidance through her life with her choices. She just has more of a personality that wants to jump in and try new things and think through the consequences later. Or she did. God has done a MIGHTY work in this sweet girl. She is so thoughtful in her actions, so measured now in her decisions. She was the first to go to her room and pray for her parents when she saw that we were struggling to maintain a rational level to our "discussion" the other day. She radiates her Lord! She is still ornery and funny and still loves a good time. And she is still ornery. And ornery. But she puts Jesus first. If it will not bring honor to Him, she more often no longer finds an action worth it. She bears fruit. She is a new creature, created in Christ Jesus. And I will be eternally grateful to my Savior for getting to be there when the cocoon, the shroud of sin, broke, and that exquisite new creation emerged. She still sins. She still gets into trouble and irritates her brothers less frequently, but she now CARES. She is repentant, rather than so disturbingly delighted at her fleshly actions.
Our family, the one I am in and the one I am from has a legacy now of being ones who want to follow Jesus. Ones who are known for reading their Bibles and going to church and trying their best to respond to things according to Scripture. Sometimes we follow Jesus on our hands and knees begging. Sometimes we follow Him after getting lost at the detours. So often we get distracted, take our eyes off Him and tend to forget where we are going. But He doesn't. He's promised to seal us unto the day of redemption. (Eph. 4:30; II Tim. 1:12) We're sometimes lost on the trail, but He isn't. He promised to get us home safely. I trust Him to be able to do that despite how I walk. I am crippled and lame and clueless so often and my stride in the race looks more like a drunk on a storm-tossed ship than a graceful sprint. At times, so will my sons'. So will my daughter's. But I won't leave them alone on the side of the road just because they stumble. In fact, that just makes me as a parent want to help them all the more. They may eventually sometime look like a heap of useless clay laying alongside the road, but that's my heritage there in that heap. I want to wait and be patient and help them to their feet those times more than any other. That's my parental side. That's what it means to be CREATED IN HIS IMAGE. I am like that because He is like that and I was made to be like Him. He is the Light. That bright beacon guiding us Home. And I am just ecstatic that my older children's eyes have been opened to see that Light. No longer must they rely solely on a stronger but stumbling runner to pull them along. Now they have that brighter beacon than myself to guide them along as well. And that is most surely my most favorite blessing.
2 comments:
Such a beautiful post! Seeing our children come to know Christ IS the best gift ever.
So beautifully written and so wonderful! I can never express just how amazing and incredible our salvations are! Our Lord is SO WONDERFUL and one day I believe that our ENTIRE family will know Him in an intimate way, in Jesus name! We'll keep praying until that day comes for one and all that remain with blinders on; and we WILL see it come to pass. There is nothing that can compare to walking in the power of the Holly Spirit! I love you so much - Mom
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