Keeping Current?

It has been absolutely forever since I haved blogged, though not journaled. I still write posts and just don't publish them and that has worked out well since Facebook can now fulfill the social aspect of blogging while allowing me to keep my journals private. But honestly, I don't know how the whole blogging thing "works" as far as whether storage will continue when the account is innactive for so long.

So this weekend seemed the perfect thing to "share," if only because it was so happy that I want to pass on that feeling.

I will be honest. I know that Christmas is the favorite time of year for probably the greatest majority of people, but for me it's not. It's not that I DON'T like Christmas, although there are DAYS around the time of Christmas that I can practically despise. For one thing, practically my entire family - my father, my brother, me, my son, my MIL, besides an aunt or cousin or two - all decided to make our grand entrances into this world during the week either before or after Christmas. And while that is joyous, it can be tiring - all that celebrating. Guess I'm really starting to show my age, which this birthday, entered a new decade. One that was celebrated with black as tradition demands.

Then there is the heavy commercialism and rediculous reaction to stress (ESPECIALLY THIS YEAR!) that seems to accompany the Ho Ho holiday. People get SO overwhelmed at finding that "perfect" present, then wondering how to pay for it. And don't even get me started about the road rage I experienced this year! Yikes!

Also this year, just three days after Christmas, we lost a great friend. His memorial was sweet in that it was well attended by almost all Christians who comforted one another in the shared belief that our friend is now well and forever whole in the very presence of Jesus. But he is missed.

(And just for the record, my favorite holiday of all time is Easter, followed by Thanksgiving. I LOVE the meaning and traditions and lack of unbridled commercialism. Fourth of July is a total BLAST too - pun intended.)

So....... all that to say that I enjoyed the holidays. Loved having my family home and curling up under warm blankets and playing games and all. But THIS weekend. This weekend was SWEET to me! After seeing many wonderful old friends while attending our friend's funeral at our former church, it was time to celebrate the New Year. At first I was bummed because our plans fell through when a dear friend whom I haven't seen in much too long had to cancel late in the day because her kids got sick. But our next door neighbors treated us to a small winter cookout and Wii and board games until midnight. Then we watched the ball drop. The East time zone ball! We are in the Central time zone! Sucker duped us by pausing the Tevo just 3 seconds shy of the "big moment!" He's such a jokester!

After sleeping WAY in (felt SO good) on Saturday morning, I cleaned the house up to prepare for the three boys coming over to celebrate my son's 14th birthday. I love older kids' birthdays! Again, the young ones are fun, but when they are older is it less about all the "have to" traditions and more about the life-long friends deciding to do whatever it is they truly enjoy.

So my son and his and buddies and I all went to play Lasertag! It. Was. A. Blast! And at the end I understood exactly why I have just celebrated my "black birthday." What a workout! Especially as they all ganged up on me, following me around in order to shoot me repeatedly without time to respond. I'm just so honored to have a son still willing to engage with his Momma and responsible enough to have friends as great as his are.

After Laser tag, we came home and watched the big bowl game - which our team won - ate pizza and hot wings, played games, and stayed up way too late (1 am for me, 3-6 am for the boys) !

Then this morning, I had the great peace and pleasure of looking down the pew at church to see my entire family plus all four boys and two others that met them there. And they were too tired to misbehave! Ha ha!

Besides that I met a couple who I believe are going to be lifelong friends. It started with a compliment on her cute outfit, which led to an hour long discussion of the early death of her infant son, buried December 4. She is an amazing woman with the sweetest spirit and an equally impressive husband. I'm in awe of God's goodness to me to reward my most feeble attempts at witnessing with friendships with the most amazing, strong Believer's!

Oh, and several other things I just thought of! This is all so random I know, but I just had too many blessing to remember all at once. Thursday it was 75 degrees outside (!) so we went to the mall, which I normally hate. But this time my girl is old enough that I didn't feel so overwhelmed at having to watch her whereabouts, cover her eyes from the smut posters in the windows or worry about money (we had a VERY generous gift card to pick out her new bedding for a soon-to-be remodel). We ran into many friends and just enjoyed the day "hanging out" together. We also met a spunky lady celebrating her 80th birthday!

Sunday after church we went out to eat and again, ran into old friends. (THAT is probably the best part of the weekend. Seeing SO MANY old friends!) And I had the BEST grilled Tilapia that I ever have. Yum!

And just because it's funny, and I want to remember it, and no one comes here to read now anyway.......

I was trying to "unlock" a Facebook answer where an anonymous person had answered that I was NOT attractive. I had to laugh when the picture popped up and it was one of my son's friends who was still over, in the same room. Ha ha! I teased him mercilessly, but he said "How am I supposed to answer that?! If I said yes, then it's like saying my best friend's mom is hot!" After a couple moments silence to think it over, all any of us could muster was complete agreement! He had a point.

So Much Fun

Well, it's been almost 6 months since I've written publicly. There has been SO MUCH I've missed writing about. But life has been full - VERY FULL - and it's required every moment of living it. No time to write. Gosh, in the past 6 months we have had another busy, fun summer that is now only a collection of beautiful memories, had a 4th of July mishap that seriously injured several neighbors, started gardening, been fully engrossed in Pee Wee football, become fairly good friends with a recent Miss America and her amazing finance/hubby as of next Saturday, gotten involved enough with the wonderful people and ministries of our church to finally feel a regular part of things and not like the "new people" anymore, and most life-altering, I've been diagnosed with a major incurable, but treatable disease. Our time now is spent so differently, not so much because of any major lessons on the fragility of life. I learned that a long time ago through the death of our second child, then the death and life again of our third child, and through many other experiences since then, including the death of a good friend and homeless man found yesterday in an open field. And so I'm aware that this disease, while it's been a BOOGER to deal with, is not tragic. It is life altering (I cook every meal now and with only fresh, organic ingredients, which is beyond time-consuming) and it is a huge learning curve for me, but it is only life. It has taught me so much.

But I still regret, though it couldn't be helped, not having all these and a thousand more moments on record to revisit some day when things will inevitably slow down once more. Life cycles, right? Here are three I couldn't resist, all from my "little baby boy," who will be turning eight amazing years old in just two weeks.

Thursday, on the way home from school he said sweetly from the back seat of the car "Do you ever just feel like talking for no reason?" (That alone was funny, coming from my quietest child and addressed to a fully hormonal female.) Then this: "I just feel like I need to talk today and I don't know why. I really don't have anything specific in mind to talk about. I just want to talk."

So. Cute.

Last week while his dad was tucking him into bed, Greg was roped into performing Justice's favorite activity of scratching and tickling his back for him. Greg even made a game of it, naming each kind of stroke a various kind of critter. One was "the spider", one "the worm", one a bee and one a crab. After scratching long enough to get Justice good and relaxed, and fighting off sleep himself, my husband announced: "O.K. It's time to stop. The worm has said he needs to go to sleep now." Without any effort at humor, our son asked "what about the spider, he is still up, right?"

MELT.

And just because it's cute - Our family is looking forward next weekend to spending two nights with our friends who live in a very small town about 45 minutes from here. There is a matching child in their family for each one of mine to play with, and we have known this family for years. But what Justice is most anticipating is the neat farm/pumpkin patch/retreat center that beckons our visit just south of town. He remembers that the birthday party he attended there last Spring involved some game with all of the little boys yelling "Aye, Matey" and that other famous Pirate phrase "Tickle Me Tender!" (Shiver Me Timbers!) We don't have the heart to correct him. They just don't do this very long.

Have a great week - or few months. Not sure yet when I'll "be back."

Missing Dogs, Quit Wit, and Termites In The Middle Of Nowhere

It had been a LOOOONG and eventful day, much like the majority of them lately, and we were all too fatigued to have our normal spirited discussions on the way home. Instead, I was admiring the neon red sun over the soccer field. I pointed it out to the kids. "Wow," I said, "I've never seen it hazy enough here to be able to stare directly at it like that." I was proud when J. noticed "it sure is a beautiful sunset." Looking to turn the moment into a spiritually profound comparison, I began explaining how the dirtier the atmosphere is, the more brilliant the sunset. "It's actually the dirt the air that makes the beautiful colors." I tried to tie it all together with a discussion of sin and beauty from ashes and all that stuff. J. was obviously in another frame of mind. "So you mean, when we get home and I DON'T take a bath, that will make me even more handsome!" That semi-toothless smile was plastered ear to ear!

He is, quite literally, the wittiest, most funny person I have ever known. I ADORE that kid!!!

So much has happened around here the past few months that life inside our four walls resembles almost nothing of what it was this time last year. Much of it has been good, and some more of it will be once we can jump a few pretty high hurdles. I realize, of course, that life will ALWAYS have another hurdle up ahead of the one that's just been cleared, but lately the sheer amount of things to accomplish has left us needing to slow down to a steady trot for some rest for just a while.

The most obvious to those who are a regular part of our lives is that I have finally finished my training. Yes, I am now officially a Certified Pesticide Applicator, properly trained to eradicate termites from either your new or existing home! No, I did not set about this as part of some dream or desire. But I did it! Our family business was left in a lurch after legal changes that required new training. Of course, all of the men in our family work full time and could not sacrifice a week of their lives to attend the necessary classes. So I went back to the Alma Mater I left 18 years ago on a scholarship transfer for a degree in Broadcasting Communications. If you had told me way back then that I would eventually be returning nearly 2 decades later to become a professional bug killer, there would have been no need for laughter. It would have been so out of the realm of reality that my only reaction would have been to silently wonder what on earth you talking about and whether we were even participating in the same conversation.

But I made it. I spent each day from 7:30 am to nearly 5 p.m. (he let us out early!) with a 1/2 hour lunch break and 15 other all male students in a portable building in the middle of nowhere about 3 miles off campus. The men spit a lot and they left the toilet seat up in the bathroom (which I don't blame them for) they weren't planning on sharing with a girl, but they were all very polite and accepting and not overly politically correct, but also not chauvinistic, either which of would have made me uncomfortable.

At night, I would relax before returning to the hotel by driving around town trying to recognize all the similarities and differences since I was there as a mere kid. There were so many of both. My old apartment, the department store that lent clothes to our volunteer project, the lake which is now on the OTHER side of Main Street. The grocery store where I worked was gone and replaced by a small mall we never had and the campus had doubled in size. But most of all the memories that came flooding back of my two years there were strong. And though they weren't bad, they still left me missing my family and my current life. I felt glad for the previous experience of living there, but even more happy that I now have a wonderful family and the non-monetary job that I never envisioned back then when I was chasing and capturing all that career success. I'm just too blessed where I'm meant to be to miss it.

The other big event of our lives of late happened about a week ago while my parents were here visiting to see my son's first traveling band concert. (He is so talented, if I may throw that in!) My parents came with me to pick the children up from school on Friday and we immediately drove from school to the downtown Arts Festival. I'm not sure that we have ever missed it. Even though the rides there are now far too juvenile for my kids to enjoy outright, they love the tradition and memories of the little train and Ferris wheel they have ridden since they have been old enough to have memories. A gentle misty rain and a pretty stiff wind made our time even more interesting, but the fun of it all was still very much there for us.

That is until I got "The Call." I needed to ask my breathless husband to slow down so I could make more sense of what he was telling me, but first I had to excuse myself from my children. That's because I didn't want them to hear me repeat words like "the dogs," "missing," "bloody," or "shotgun." At least not until I could string them into an intelligible event that I could then repeat more tactfully when the time was right. I asked my husband what needed to be done next and we agreed that he needed help at home and since they would learn it all when they arrived anyway, I had better break the news on the way home.

The short version is that both of our dogs escaped out of their pen and were missing. My husband went to look for them while we were all blissfully unaware at the festival. He was just about to give up searching after three hours when our mama lab came crawling, dazed and bloodied, up an embankment toward his truck as he was headed home. She had been shot and was absolutely shaking in fear, but had come out of hiding when she had recognized his vehicle. He took her home and was needing us to tend to her so he could go back out in search of our other dog, L.'s offspring. S. was no where to be found by night fall. The next day we made posters and my dad and oldest son and I went to put them along the main road. Of course, all of this was to prove to our children that we had done everything possible to get our dear friend back, but my parents, husband and I were already pretty convinced he was most likely not in a returnable state. After hammering the last sign in, I told my dad I wanted to turn around and drive back toward the sign to make sure a motorist without knowledge of it's placement would readily see it. I turned the car around and fell in behind a truck with a dog in it. A black dog my son excitedly pointed out. I sped up to satisfy to him that we would chase any lead, but certainly not expecting what happened next. "He has a red collar!" D. screamed, just as the dog- yes, OUR DOG - took a leap out of the truck bed upon recognizing our vehicle. He was on a leash that got hung up on something in the back of the truck and was being dragged as the truck rounded a corner into a neighborhood. My dad leaped out and yelled the driver down as I sat frozen and too confused to react by how fast it was all happening. But, cutting the story down to size and maybe some of the miracle of how amazingly it all played out, the dogs were returned to us! They were a little worse for the wear of their naughty journey a full 1/2 mile away from home. But they are doing well now. And the children have seen first hand what it's like when God honors their prayers for a miracle with a "Yes." Oh, how they prayed!

Yep. Life is always headed Somewhere. There's no such place as Nowhere. Not even a portable building in a wide open field three miles from the next nearest building.

I just need to remember that when I'm THERE. Amen?

My VERY FAVORITE Quote Of The Day!

"I don't think them people could be one bit stupider! The only way out of this [economic] mess is to put more money back into the economy so the stimulus can grow. Geez, why don't these people get educated and read a book or something?"

........ a local news viewer, when asked for his opinion of today's Tax Day tea parties.

I have NEVER. LAUGHED. SO. HARD!!!!

Oh, boy, was that a great way to end a rough day!!!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

ROFL OUT LOUD!!!!!!!

: 0) :0) :0) :0)

If you're not chuckling at THAT, you don't have a pulse!

I LOOOOOOVE IT!!!!

(And he was serious!)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The Necesssity of His Blood, My Sweat, and A Few Stress-Releasing Tears.....Or - Preparations To Be Better For Others In The Long Run!

Oh, how I want this post to make sense, and yet I'd rather just get it out there raw in the (very) few minutes I have, whether or not it sounds polished or even checked for grammar and spelling errors. I am a girl, after all, and sometimes I just need to talk, to get it all out before I explode. I have come to realize over the past few months that done occasionally, that's not a bad thing. In fact, I think that sometimes it is quite necessary. My past few weeks have been stressful. Really stressful. It's been one of those periods we all face in life where my plate has been overloaded, not because of anything I've chosen, but just because from time to time, we do all face those periods in life. Some of the choices I've made have been excruciating. I do not like to fail people. And because of the shear number of problems to be tackled and the fact that I am a mortal confined to a 24 hour day, some REALLY IMPORTANT things have had to slide. I hate that. ESPECIALLY where it concerns relationships. ESPECIALLY because I have been reminded in the past few days that they are not promised us forever. Two of my oldest friends and someones instrumental to my understanding of true Christianity, said goodbye forever to their beautiful, precious and Godly 20-year-old daughter last Saturday. She was hit head on by a drunk driver. My heart aches in an indescribable way for her parents, my friends. And again, I HATE that I will not be able to cook a meal or communicate much more than with a card. I have had lingering issues within my own four walls for quite some time now. And it has become apparent that for every time I stop to do some small something for someone else, which I much prefer, the problem has only worsened. Now we face certain things that have only zapped more precious time from our lives. Three of the five of us are facing serious health issues for the first time in our lives. I have to concentrate for a while on just us, exclusively on our family. And that's hard for me. Perhaps because it feels selfish, or maybe I've just been too prone to guilt trips. I certainly have felt pressured to keep a fresh face and "not complain." I guess I just haven't yet figured out how to share a problem without it sounding like a complaint. Because I don't FEEL hopeless about our situation. I'm just feeling like I need to REALLY CONCENTRATE on it, and to talk about it a lot, so I can hear it back more objectively I guess. And to let others know I haven't forgotten them. I've chosen to ignore them for a time because I feel like I have to. That's HARD! And then I'm probably feeling like I need to defend that choice, because it doesn't put others ahead of ourselves. But the point is, I've come to a place where I'm not organized or energetic enough to BE A HELP until I take care of a few things to gain efficiency and health.

I don't know why I'm even typing this, really. I guess because I've been too "busy" to talk otherwise. And I hate that as well. I have come to believe that busy-ness is rarely a virtue. I have learned to "be still and know God." And I don't want to miss that! Oh, how to balance? Well, one project at a time. One hour at a time, or one minute at a time, if need be. And lots of hope that I can give grace and yes, I certainly do want to receive it as well.

I will get through this time. Or I won't. But either way, the Lord will have His way. In that, I may at times feel pain. Well, O.K. I most certainly DO, definitely sometimes. But I also find comfort in it. Because it's true. And Truth can be trusted. Every. Single. Time.

Things I Am Thinking About Tonight In The Quiet Of The Dark

Some are real. Some I just wish were......

A giant barn full of country music and multi generational laughter and dancing.

The hem of my daughter's green cotton-gauze dress waving in the wind with her wheat colored hair.

Staring into the eyes of an abused third world teenage girl and convincing her with nothing but eye contact that I care.

Light blue Adirondack chairs on a beach.

Saturday morning classic rock countdown on the radio in our kitchen while I poked my tongue through the space in my missing teeth.

Friendships formed from living in one place your whole life. I don't know that.

Laying on the trampoline watching puffy clouds make shapes in the sky.

Laying on the hood of a car watching puffy clouds make shapes in the sky. :)

Slow kissing. Whether or not it's related to the above.

A long front porch on a siding covered house.

Pink orchids.

Cherry sours.

My Grandpa's silly stories and a sweet and extremely meaningful conversation with him just days before his death.

A pendant I received from a second grade crush.

The morning I got saved - sixth pew back on the right side and a one-eyed preacher with the most welcoming smile I've ever seen.

Being hugged, honestly, for a really long time.

Rollerskating to "Xanadu" in a friend's backyard that backed up to the bay - with lots of other little girls too young to know about social politics or competition.

Seeing my daughter's heartbeat on a sonogram, after it wasn't.

Secrets I hold in my heart and ones that I've told someone else who has kept it faithfully and ones that some people give themselves too much credit for thinking they know, but I get the last laugh.

Watching my friends push their severely mentally handicapped daughter into my other friend's father's funeral. She always has a colorful bow in her hair and is so perfectly groomed despite being 31 years old and wearing a diaper. That to me is love.

People who sit with other people without any agenda other than to be available when the other is ready to talk.

My son getting back on his bike even after he made hamburger of his knee.

Sweet tea.

When I "just happen" to read exactly the right verse for whatever I'm dealing with that day.

How EVERYTHING I have ever experienced in my life seems to become extremely useful at a future time I could never have envisioned while it was happening.

Driving away from the stress toward a vacation.

The Great Town-wide High School Scavenger Hunt. I remember pushing my friend down the grocery aisle in a shopping cart at 5 a.m. and doing high kicks in the island of the highway.

A certain night in my apartment with my husband-to-be, and yes, we were fully clothed, and tenderly grieving his father's passing.

The zillion stars in the sky over our neighborhood, that I didn't think I wanted to move to.

My face when I could still recognize it as me. (This one made me cry, finally. It's been a long time coming.)

The flickering light of a swimming pool.

The time my kids all ran to the ice cream truck in only their underwear. I'm just going to sit on this one for a while before I continue typing.........

The little purple flowers my son handed me with his proud 2 year old smile.

My daughter's GORGEOUS heart.

My son being the only one to recognize that I needed to cry - and how to handle it.

The lights of the town over the ridge below our house.

Sitting in bean bags watching episodes of Mr. Rogers with my cousins, then running all over my Grandma's town unsupervised.

Hearing I'd not only made the team, but made officer as well.

Seeing 4 certain people I don't get to see right now because they are in Heaven.

Knowing how to worship properly without even trying for ever and ever.

Being included in old inside jokes.

Knowing that I've earned my womanhood.

Deep sleep in a soft warm bed.

The first bite of soft warm carrot cake.

Sitting in a boat in the middle of the lake at night.

The way my kids smiles are stuck on at the carnival.

Having a small, modest lake property to regularly retreat to.

Those old time cruising bicycles with really long fenders and a basket.

Screen porch doors and wood floors.

When American flags on the roof guttering and pickup sports and "please" and "thank you" and "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" were all the norm.

Holding my children against my chest, then and now.

Wishing Jesus was tangible right now.

Wishing Heaven wasn't somewhere so far away.

Venting

I'll start with the most recent. My index finger is STINGING as I burnt it on popcorn JUST NOW as I began to type! Cr*%#p it hurts! And did I mention that the popcorn IS my dinner tonight?

If this post is going to sound too much like complaining, and it probably is, then you'll want to move on down your blog roll right now. First, let me preface by saying that I DO know that I am blessed SO FAR above anything I could ever deserve, and that I DO know that I could have it so much worse, and I REALLY am keeping everything in proper perspective outside of THAT moment (of which there have been several lately) that you can't keep perspective because you don't a half second to look beyond the small part of the picture that is an absolute emergency at that exact time. REALLY I am.

I will also say that in my experience, God NEVER goes without tempering the bad times with at least some small glimmers of blessing and I could recount several. But I have saved those for my prayer time. I'm using the blog to get all the JUNK out so God and I can have more enjoyable conversation. :D I am venting. Because we all understand that blowing off pressure a little at a time sometimes prevents a big explosion later on down the twisty curvy hair-pinned road.

And speaking of explosions, my husband narrowly missed one yesterday. Came upon a rural intersection on the way home from work where two men were RUNNING from their diesel-filled rig while motioning him to tear out of there as well! It was on fire. That was NOT what I needed to hear at the end of a stress FULL day! (The rig was totaled, but everyone did get away safely.)

We could not afford to travel this year, even locally overnight, but we have been awaiting Spring Break with more angst and yearning than EVER before! We NEEDED this break. Only guess what? The kids have been sick since I picked them up an hour before school even let out on Friday. That's right. Fevers, aching, congestion AND puking all the way around! Fun, fun stuff I must say! Of course my husband's hours have been ALL OVER THE PLACE so I've been mostly going it alone. He has always worked relatively varied hours just by definition of his vocation (construction), but I usually have about a day's notice of what the day will look like for him. Not this week. He's like a doctor on call, only out in the heat and the dirt and for way less pay and with clients who considerably more healthy enough to argue energetically. So I have hardly spoken to him all week. Since the kids are so sick, I have obviously not left my house in almost six days. And did I mention IT IS SPRING BREAK!

And the poor kids; they feel awful! They are SO SAD that they are laying in bed on the very break they have been CLAWING their way through school to get to! We also missed church again because they were sick - and last week we were gone to welcome home my brother-in-law from four months away. (A good thing.) But when we can't be there, we REALLY miss our classes and the encouragement we get!

Also, I'm LONELY! We aren't even eating together as a family since my husband's been gone so much and the kids can't hold anything down. And of course, no one can come to visit because of the germs. Besides, very many of my friends have their own issues they are dealing with. THREE of my friends lost their parents in the last three weeks and another has announced plans to divorce. I am so, so sad for them.

Yesterday and today, I've spent a total of about 15 hours tackling our garage mess (I'm a little less than halfway done) just to get outside while the kids have slept! I now feel like a Sumo wrestler sat on me! And after 15 hours, mere progress becomes a poor substitute for the finished product (although I am thrilled to be this far - I've been needing to do this for 2 years now!) Anyway, both days the neighbor kids have come over while I've been working and they are just not very respectful. I'm trying to be really nice now. Actually the way they speak would warrant corporal punishment for my children. The problem is, I don't even know their parents! THAT kind! Normally, I would TRY to have more patience with them, but I think we all have our limits sometimes and mine was at the point where they invited another friend of theirs THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW to play in OUR YARD with OUR STUFF when they weren't even invited themselves! Then when I told them NO, the response from the 11 year old was "you are supposed to share things with guests." From an 11 year old! One who had just walked into my garage to get a Popsicle without asking! A Popsicle that was being frozen specifically for my son to maintain hydration! COME ON! Who elected me neighborhood babysitter?!

I was already grouchy because I have permanent scarring from whatever this is that invaded my face originally before it turned into the infamous staph infection of summer '08. The staph is gone, but the original problem persists and has worsened considerably. No one seems to be able to diagnose it. But everyone seems to agree what it is not. Acne. So here's my theory. I'm no doctor, and I don't know the medical practicality of this, but it's my gut feeling due to a number of factors I'm too lazy to recount just now. I wonder if it isn't the debris of a 19 year old car wreck working itself out. This would make a lot more sense if I explained why I came to this conclusion. And at least one trusy medical professional has said this is entirely plausible. But like I said, it would take too much time. What stinks, though, if I am right, is that nothing can be done about it. Of course, nothing is anyway. So I continue to look like the spotted freak show whereever I go. Which right now, of course, is NO WHERE!!!

And then just now, getting ready for bed, I realized that in my zeal to procure a garage we can park in before the 100 degree heat hits, I haven't kept up very well with the laundry. So I must wear the hubby's boxers to bed. With no blinds on 3 of our windows and I don't EVEN want to get started on the WHY behind that. But considering the garage door opener, some bad lighting (as in not working), the DVD player, and the car transmission have all broken lately as well, why am I surprised?

O.K

There.

I'm done.

And I AM DETERMINED tomorrow is going to be a better day, despite the forecast calling for cloudy skies after 5 PERFECT days of sunshine and breezes. SHEESH!

O.K.

No, really this time. I'm officially done.

Starting........NOW!

BORED

It's a feeling I often JOKE I'd like to be more familiar with. But in truth, I don't like it. It's not that I DON'T have anything to do. It's just that I'm not doing it! Spring Break couldn't start quick enough around here! In fact, we've been anticipating it more eagerly than ever before! My oldest left within an hour of school letting out to go on a weekend trip to Six Flags. My daughter had a sleepover with her girlfriend and together they made crafts and baked cookies and jumped on the trampoline and stayed up until 3 o'clock this morning!!! I only made it to 1:30! My youngest got tired of having no one to play with and decided it was better to be a good sport with the girls than have nothing to do at all. He let them "do his hair" and dress him up for their own personal fashion show entertainment. I have to tell you, this is a BOY'S BOY - ALL THE WAY! So you know he was BORED!

We woke up late today to dark and dreary skies and a child with the flu! But now it's a GORGEOUS evening, the clouds have broken, my husband is out building a pen that our dogs CAN NOT constantly escape, and I am stuck here.

I saw "Horton Hears A Who" earlier for the first time ever and it was fantastic! But another movie sounds boring. No one feels well enough to play a game. I'm too tired to read. I'm too energetic to sit around inside. I can't vacuum because the patient is sleeping. And, not that this is in any way remotely related to my mood, but I'm craving an orange and don't have one. I'm agitated without being unhappy. Ever feel like this? So what do you do when you can't figure out WHAT you want to do?

(SIGH.)

The Last Car

It's strange, but whenever I cry slow tears, they always fall from the left eye. I tried to wipe them away inconspicuously as I looked up toward the front at Staci. She looked particularly beautiful, stunning actually, like she had gussied up to embark on an anniversary cruise, not watch a preacher speak comforting words over a casket. The sanctuary where we were gathered seemed like all there was to the world last Saturday. Birds could be heard chirping outside between carefully chosen ballads as the soft glow of Spring sunlight flooded the room through amber windows.

Even from my pew near the back of the opposite side, I could read her thoughts. She is my friend and I know her well. It pained me so deeply to know that the one person she longed to have tell her everything would be all right was her daddy, and he was not there, despite the longing in her eyes that yearned for him to return just long enough to help get her through the next hour. I've known Staci now since our boys met as Cub scouts in Kindergarten, seven milestone-packed years ago. In that time I have heard countless stories about Jim Gazaway, and every single one of them were told with a reminiscent smile.

Just 5 1/2 weeks ago, I finally met him for the first time. Jim and I had both come to see Staci's new home. She and her husband had just moved back to their rural childhood town where her parents no longer live. Our connection was instant and comfortable, just as it was when I met Staci herself. There is something so likable and easy about every single one of her family and they've always considered me just one of them. I felt almost like a school girl receiving needed praise that day when he shook my hand and asked Staci how she managed to have friends just as pretty as she is. I admired how he lavished her with such loving compliments, even though his pride in her was so obvious without them.

A week and half later, Staci called me crying. They had taken "Daddy" to the hospital the night before for a headache that wouldn't stop and they had come home with a stage 4 cancer diagnoses. But he had not come home with them....and he never would. Four weeks later, just over a month after I met him, he died.

Now I sat alone in the last of a train of cars about to embark on a 45 minute drive toward the setting sun. It seemed so symbolic, ironic - and perfect. I turned on the radio as the flashing lights of sirens fell in behind me and I'll be darned if it wasn't the same sweet country song that had just concluded the service! It spoke of a daddy encouraging his cowgirl to keep on riding when she falls. I simultaneously smiled and cried.

I have never been the very last car in a funeral procession before. But something about the perspective it afforded me and the slow songs on the radio made my deepest ponderings run wild. Even though this day was not about me, there was something so personal and comforting about that officer behind me. He knew who to watch for. He recognized me. He knew I belonged with this group while those behind me didn't. With a small, reassuring smile of protection, he so diligently waited for me to catch up at each intersection, signaling him to then race back to the front where my dear friend followed her daddy in the last car that he would ever ride in. It was as if he was checking on us both. Each time I reached him again, he would swerve behind me for just a moment to signal to the traffic stopped in reverence that I was the Last Car. After me, they were free to continue.

As we passed through four towns of rolling hills, blooming dogwoods, and greening grass against the bluest skies, not a single driver failed to pause their busy agenda in honor of this ordinary man. Long lines of vehicles were stopped in acknowledgement that this man with no fame or fortune must have meant something to this world. A couple dozen soccer fans even removed their caps and saluted our cavalcade from behind a chain link fence. It was so profoundly moving. So many that day stopped their lives just long enough to communicate, "We're sorry. May you find comfort in remembering he was special." And then life went on. We passed and they went on about their day, just as Staci will soon be learning to do.

As we approached the cemetary and the hearse pulled in, the officer nodded at me to acknowlege he was leaving. I looked for a open patch of grass to park while another of Staci's friends carried Staci's baby daughter toward the grave on her hip. We all gathered and just a few more words were said under a green tent on a fiercely windy day. A prayer was offered, the dismissal was given, and we lingered just a moment as if to mentally map this 18 square feet of dirt on the Earth. I turned to leave and Staci's brother thanked me for being there for her. "You're one of her best friends" he said as he hugged me. "This sucks!" he said angrily over my shoulder. "I know," I said. "I can't completely UNDERSTAND, but I know." He invited me back to the house for the meal and I told him I had plans with my family. Then he chuckled warmly and wiped his eyes and said something that made me smile at Providence. "Well, alright. But if you get hungry later, come on back out. You're more than welcome. We'll be there. Well, maybe not Staci. You know her. She'll probably be out here a while. I'm sure she'll be the last car to leave." Of all the ways he could have put it.

Random and Unedited

This morning was entirely glorious as I basked in the pure laziness of sleeping in for the first time in months! It felt so good not to have to get up and go coach a game. For four years, I have been the coach of my daughter's cheer leading squad, and for the most part, I have loved every minute of it. But something about this year was different. Somehow, our hearts just weren't in it to the extent that they have been in the past. I probably enjoyed the girls themselves more than any other squad I've ever had, but what very little parental involvement there was seemed mostly shallow and my daughter changed her mind after only a couple of weeks. But for the rest of the season we stuck it out. I needed to model commitment and Faith needed to learn it.

So this morning I forced my regimented internal clock back to sleep at 6:30 to enjoy more slumber until the scared chirps of birds threatened by winds re-wakened me at a more enjoyable 8:30. Then I just lied there a few minutes - because I could. I decided to post since the computer sat right next to my bed where I left it after watching a movie last night. After making a big deal of going to the movie rental store last night and letting each family member make a pick, we returned home to find that our DVD player had officially died. No prior symptoms existed. It's just how life keeps us laughing in irony. (On a completely random side note, there was a well-known song back when I got married called IRONIC. We actually fulfilled the majority of examples in the singer's list of bitter ironies. "Rain on your wedding day." Four inches.....and a record low 44 degrees in late April. "A free ride when you've already paid." The special offered by a local jeweler to receive your wedding ring free if it rains on your wedding day began about two months AFTER our washout. "Good advice that you just didn't take." Duh! We were in our twenties. I'm sure it happened frequently.


Anyhoo, last night my hubby took the kids to the driving range and dinner at our favorite restaurant so I could relax alone and nurse my back. It has been in a precarious state too often lately, and I'm learning that I had better not try to push through. So I watched "The Secret Life Of Bees." Men beware, this glowing testimonial will not impress you in the least. This was a deluxe chick-flick through and through, but I thought it was an EXCELLENT movie. Queen Latifah and Dakota Fanning should both be nominated for the Oscar and I'm not a fan of either the awards show nor Hollywood in general. But, boy! Can those girls act!


Anyway, the movie was almost ended when the family returned and my husband came in needing to watch the weather report. I paused the movie and fell asleep about two minutes into the news. I NEVER nod off that fast! I was exhausted! It's been a crazy (good) week. His teasing woke me up and I decided to look at old photos on the computer in order to stay awake to finish the movie. I ended up perusing the pictures for over three hours! Each and every one held such wonderfully amazing memories of a special, though non-descript day from our lives. I ended up crying in gratitude for the choices the Lord has led me to and all that I DIDN'T miss because of it. There were dozens and dozens of days represented for which I could remember the details of how my heart felt. First zoo trips, swinging at the park, school plays and day trips and grilling out in the backyard on a hot day. And plenty that had no special occasion other than a fantastic smile over a cupcake or a practical joke or bubbles running amok over the edge of a whirlpool tub. I am so glad that I've had the opportunity to stay home with my kiddos and for the examples my own Mom has set on how to have fun and make relationships the most important part of life. They truly are all that we take with us!


My sweet husband got me a professional grade camera for my birthday this year. I have been wanting one for more than three years now, but since December I haven't yet taken it out of the box. I wanted to read a lot of the directions on it before I went messing around on it and messing it up. But last night gave me the bug all over again! (Which is not a good thing as I am knee deep in the middle of some MAJOR, necessary re-organizing of our home and business.) I can not wait now to capture more memories. Just yesterday it was my youngest doing his first ever oral school report. It was on Bill Gates and he did AWESOME! Later today, we're hoping it may be fishing or driving around some small towns in search of an adventure. We've been really concentrating on old-fashioned cheap fun as the consequences of this economy have made themselves felt. But for a few weeks it's been some combination of us and not all of us. That's the goal this evening.

For today, I face the daunting task of going through years of old clothes I have not formerly had the time to purge. And I hate not purging. So while I'm not looking forward to the process (because it has become "mountainess" - is that a word?), I'm only too thrilled for the results! I love organizing, WHEN it actually begins to make a noticeable difference! Then we are going to try to dismantle the swimming pool. I can't afford the water bill to fill it up just yet, but between the tornado of two weeks ago and the 60-mile-an-hour straight line winds last night, it just makes sense that it's not going to last much into the Spring.

Tomorrow is church! And I'll have to write a whole other post on that and how incredible it's been to watch the Lord at work taking old doubts and fears and making His will so ABUNDANTLY clear! Right now we are in a series about family and how you must FIGHT for them. I LOVE this series because it has uncovered so much for both Greg and I about how to turn the great feelings of love toward one another into ACTION that actually accomplishes something wonderful. We both have no trouble with action in and of itself. Amongst our many many sins and shortcoming we are both very hard workers. But we are learning how to become unburdened with all of the well-intentioned, yet totally inefficient action and how to learn the needs of a creature (spouse) who thinks nothing like you. Then we'll spend the rest of the day in a new members class. We are all so excited.

You know, the economy may be going to pot, and my back hurts constantly and my face now bares permanent scarring from the staph infection of last summer that is only now finally gone. Obama is a nutcase who is turning freedom on it's head (yeah, I said it) in a matter of a few short days in office and much of the nation sits back and lauds it happening - for now. But for this day, this moment, this snapshot of memory, I look out the office window, through the tall rustling trees, over the ridge to the small town below and I feel thankful. Life is not perfect, but it is fulfilling. It is not painless, but that only further proves that God's Word can be counted on. It is not flawless, but He is. And He loves me.

I Guess We're Veterans Now?

I'm hoping to have a chance to go out and take a few photos later today showing the tornado damage from yesterday afternoon that destroyed two neighborhoods just three miles from my home. It is sad, yes, and frustrating for those who are spending their day trying to pick up the pieces, including the neighbors immediately next door to my daughter's classmate. Their home was completely leveled while our friend's sustained only a gnarled garage door. But I guess I just viewed it as typical drill for our area until I saw homes I distinctly recognize on national news this morning.

Thankfully, no one in our town lost their life. Not so where another twister touched down two hours south of here where another of my friends lives. (She was the "other K." mentioned in my last post.) Crazy evening, for sure. Although, we were blissfully ignorant of just how close our home came from feeling the fury. (We were directly in the path but it apparently lifted soon after all the damage you might be seeing on the network shows.) I was several miles away in what I've long considered one of the very safest locations in our entire town of 80,000. I couldn't watch TV or a computer or listen to the radio because I was responsible, along with three other adults, for keeping about 30 kids calm and obedient while we took cover. Since they were blissfully ignorant as well (of the proximity of the tornado, not that there WAS one), they all but one stayed calm. We even had fun with endless games of "I Spy." And I knew my own children were being well protected nearby. It's funny, but throughout what was obviously sort of a big deal, my family was completely distracted by our own personal traumas that had marked the day. Our dog, the first real pet ever for our family was diagnosed with a serious health issue and some other deeply emotional stuff had taken place earlier. So it was very good that we never heard the direction of the tornado's location announced. It surely would have been too much. We would've worried when it turned out to be fine.

It reminded me of how out-of-the- loop we felt concerning the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, despite living only 15 miles away and knowing friends of victims and rescue workers. We were too engulfed in the death of my father-in-law a week earlier to recognize the magnitude of the proximity of such a huge event. We probably processed it much more like someone saddened to watch it on TV somewhere in another state. Except this morning, there were roads shut down and all talk is focused on "the tornadoes." Our church was open last night as a safe haven for folks who had lost their home or power to keep their homes heated. We went up to see what we could do to help, but there were only 2 families. They seemed a little shell-shocked, but surprisingly calm and friendly as well. You just never know what a day will bring!

K & K

I just arrived home from dropping the children off at school and I would be overwhelmed, completely, at the amount of work I have to do. Some balls ARE GOING to drop and it would be difficult deciding which ones, except that I feel so completely blessed this morning. All I can think at this very moment is that "it is well."

I'm not sure why, now, these thoughts are so prominent on my mind, although there was some mighty good music on the radio as I drove home. But I'm guessing it's because I am SO EXCITED that at this time tomorrow I will be smiling wildly and thoroughly enjoying your combined company over the perfect glass of raspberry tea. Tuesday and Thursday mornings have become some of the best parts of my week because of the two of you and quite frankly, life in general is so much richer.

It's been almost an entire decade since I've had a friend as close as you two. She was a "K" too! (Not to diminish others who simply don't live close enough for consistent fellowship or who lack the time due to difficult circumstances in their lives. (I miss you M. I pray for your family often.) ) Ones who make me feel safe and loved no matter what my mood at the moment. You two are the real deal. When I'm down, you are not down on me, nor do you allow me to wallow. You choose the more difficult path of taking the time to listen, to not judge, but to pray instead that the Holy Spirit would do any convicting. And you never give up on trying to cheer me up until I am laughing once again.

I love that we are doing this Bible Study together. I love that it has affected each of the three of us in such vastly different ways. So many other people I know would see that as a negative and spend all of their time trying to get me to view it like they do. You both instead celebrate with me that our God is so big and so personal as to use the same material to do very different works in each of us. I love your wisdom. Your strength. And your children.

Too bad they are the wrong ages and genders to ever be potential future mates for my kids. Because whoever weds those seven will hit the marital jackpot! You are patiently raising each of them to be extraordinary future husbands and wives. Seeing their characters gives me hope that there are still people out there who care to foster such fine people for my own children to one day spend their lives with. It's what we seem to pray for them most, huh?

I adore you both. For loving Jesus and for really truly loving me. Just as I am. Warts and all. It is so nice to spend time with women who have it in the right order. You inspire me to be a better person because of your belief in me. I never feel like I must work for your approval. But I'm always inspired to be better because I want to actually become the incredible person that you believe me to be.

Though we see each other often, I never ever run out things to talk about with you. And I pray for all that you entrust to my knowledge. Thank you for that trust. And for your friendship. You are outstanding women and it humbles me to have been chosen to be a part of our trio. No cattiness. No competition. Just a stronger desire to be more like Him because of all that I see reflected in you.

I prayed and prayed for my "Jonathan" - and He granted me two! How lucky am I?

Colder Than A Witches Tit In A Brass Bra!

The first time I ever heard that phrase, I absolutely loved it! I must've rolled on the floor laughing for a good ten minutes. It's clever. And a little NAUGHTY. And now that the temperature on our patio thermometer displays only a single digit, I can actually justify using it! I know, that's too much like a kid in middle school. Giggling at any hint of a bathroom term he's been given permission to say. (POOP! FART! Hee hee hee hee.)

BUT I'M FEELING A LITTLE REBELLIOUS TODAY.

So I'm just going to add this while I'm at it -

$#!#$%*(_))&^^%$#@!!!@@!!!!!!!!!!

That's for the guy on the highway this morning who BUMPED THE BACK OF OUR CAR - ON PURPOSE! - and broke two OTHER laws while he was at it, JUST BECAUSE HE THINKS HE IS THE ONLY ONE ON THIS PLANET THE HIGHWAY WAS BUILT FOR!!!! Ugh! You don't know HOW HARD it was to refrain that until now, but I actually GAVE THOUGHT to the minor children in MY car. You started it, Buddy! I know you are, but what am I?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DALTON, GO SOONERS! O-U !

I spent my entire childhood in the great state of Texas, frolicking upon the vast miles of wide open plains, singing "the stars at night, are big and bright......," (not) picking the government protected bluebonnets, and dreaming of becoming a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader because that was the natural order of EVERY little girl there. Raised in the Lone Star State, with legends of the Alamo, and the Texas Rangers (the sheriff posse first and then the baseball team) and the sandy beaches of Padre where I more specifically lived all a of part of the internal makeup that made me proudly Texan. And rooting for the University of Texas Longhorns, partly because it was the natural expectation of my birthright and partly because it seemed so exciting in a place where football is bigger than the distance from border to border.
Then in my junior year of high school, I was carted north of the border courtesy of a job promotion for my Dad (who only five years later experienced his first layoff and was sent back south. Coincidence? Or an elaborate plan to rid of me forever? Mwahahahaha.) But by then I had met a boy, a die-hard arch enemy of the Longhorns and a crimson wearing wild man. I don't know how we crossed party lines, but like a Capulet and a Montegue, we were not supposed to be together. We kept a playful rivalry for years, specifically the years when OU was not so hot to trot for the first time in like, forever. In the early nineties. In our early marriage. But then our first born came along, a boy, and it only seemed right to let go and let him root for his Dad's beloved Sooners. And as our brood grew, and Bob Stoops came (he is a class act and expects all his players to be the same) and the boys enjoyed Saturday games together in Norman in the live action, and the reputations of the players of the past gave way to a bunch of super nice ethical guys that my boys could actually look up to, and we became friends with the team doctor and with a Heisman winner's dad, but STILL couldn't get special tickets because they are so hot, I began to embrace the whole thing. I bought a couple of T-shirts. I root for them anytime they are not playing Texas. And even then I feel like I win either way. I am a rare bird that some claim can not exist. But my husband has accepted me. And I have come to understand that taking a man's team is much like taking his last name. It just identifies you to the tribe that is your family.

So tonight we are celebrating my son's 12th year on Earth. In Sooner country. A crimson and cream child, born and bred. And like I was brought up surrounded by the legacy of the Six Flags of ownership nations, warm winters and starry wide-open night skies, he will forever equate himself with stories of schooners and land runs and Indians and oil. He's having a birthday watch party as the University of Oklahoma Sooners football team vies for the title of BCS National Champions, nine years after they last carried the title. They've had a fantastic season! They have lost only one game this entire year, and then by a very small margin.
I betcha' can't guess who beat 'em?

I'll be wearing red tonight, but I'm just sayin'. ;)

His Face

As I sit here and type in the early morning hours of the second day of the New Year, I find it a little depressing that I missed the first day entirely. I have been flat on my back for two days in the worst, most incessant pain I think I have ever experienced. I cringe and I cried to realize I had to get up to go to the bathroom and frankly I was just mad. I wanted to be able to make dinner for my family, to enjoy our rare shared weekday off, to clean up the incredible mess that has accrued in my absence.

But so long as I was up already, I decided to peek in on my son and leave a message on his dry erase board to greet him on his very first morning of being 12 years old. Or if I was to be really lucky, I would catch him still awake after midnight to wish him his very first "Happy Birthday" for this year. After all, I haven't been able to do a single thing to ensure he wakes up to the notion that he is being celebrated. But in the trail of light emanating from the hallway I did get to see that handsome unconscious face, and once again the world has been set right. He was born 12 years ago today, and my life has been improved ever since. For a few moments as I looked at my firstborn at rest and recognized remnants of the same baby features from say, 11 years ago, I have forgotten the pain that has had me wincing in anguish and instead I was able to concentrate on all the good my life - three really truly incredibly wonderful kids, a husband who works hard every day to give us the best of life's comforts, few but faithful friends, a clean kitchen because my children sensed my frustration, 15 years today of knowing and loving my Savior, and usually, good general health. I'm happy.

Happy Birthday, D.! I love you.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:5-7

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Feeling A Little Off Kilter

Update Evening:

Mr. and Mrs. C. and their middle child - age 11 (not the youngest as previously thought) were released this afternoon from the SAME hospital. (The husband was taken to the same as his wife and middle daughter.) Mrs. C. was later readmitted to the ER at the different hospital where her other two children are, but I don't know what symptoms prompted the readmittance. The older child (age 12) has broken ribs and internal bruising and bleeding that will require him to be watched until he improves. The younger child (age 10) has broken both her legs in several places and will require long term rehab whenever she is released. They are still listed in serious but stable (now NON life-threatening) condition. The gentleman who died was 79 and may or may not have been drinking. It may have been a factor of his age only. They are still investigating. (As a side note, I used to work as a television news producer and it is amazing how MOST stories involve so much assumption and false information that could easily be avoided if stations weren't all racing to "beat" each other with the scoop.) Of course, I too printed what I didn't confirm personally, but for measures of prayer I said just what was told to me. I am SO VERY THANKFUL that we did not lose our friends today. They still have such a long road ahead and will obviously have a very different Christmas than they had planned.

Update Early Afternoon:

Thank you, God, for news coming quickly! This is torture. Mr. C. has been fully released to leave the hospital after hand surgery. He will be able to follow the transfer of his wife and their youngest child for observation at the university hospital where their other two are in serious, but stable condition. However, it was reported that they were "stable for now." Meaning, from what I was told, that though their vitals are currently in an acceptable range (I don't know if they are breathing or on machines), the surgeons have not yet ascertained things like potential brain damage. Their conditions could change at any moment due to conditions that have not yet been found, but they are stable for RIGHT NOW. Praise God they will at least all be in one hospital soon. I was so worried about the stress of all the separation, with so many different injuries, so close to Christmas with plans obviously canceled. And I know this family will also be so heavy-hearted for the man that perished in the accident and whatever family he may have left behind. That is just how they are.

I feel like I have done nothing but ask prayer requests the last several posts I've put on here, but I guess I figure if you feel led to pray, that will be one more person in petition for whatever problem needs a sound group of believers lifting up requests before the throne. And if you don't feel led, that's okay. We can't possibly all pray for everyone all of the time. There are far too many needs in this world and we can only be a small part of the situations we are individually called to. Especially when you don't know someone, I understand how the urgency can be missing. However, for those that do comment they are praying, I appreciate you so much more than I have the eloquence to explain.

That said, my son's teacher, her husband and their three kids were all hit head on by a drunk driver early this morning en route to Florida for Christmas. I can not help the tears from flowing. She is such a very special lady and I spent significant time with her only Friday discussing another mutual friend of ours whose ten-year-old girl who is fighting a life-threatening infection in the hospital. Two of the children were medi-flighted to our local university hospital, thankfully one of the best in the nation. Mrs. C. and another child were taken to the hospital closest to the crash site, about an hour and a half from home. Her husband was taken to yet another hospital in our home town, a suburb of the metro area. With a very bad hand injury, he is the only one who did not sustain internal trauma. The driver of the other vehicle died at the scene. Unfortunately, that is all the information I have as of yet.

For those who have faithfully prayed for Ashley that she might spend her very first Christmas ever outside of the hospital, it looks as though it is finally going to happen! She has been released to travel with her family to Disney World for the holiday, ironically the same place my son's teacher and her family were heading. It truly is a miracle for her and I couldn't be more excited for them!

Thank you so much for your friendship, you bloggers who ask about the things I have written and show such genuine concern. You know who you are. And you make this world a better place.

Fire and Prayers and Humble Amazement

Tonight my daughter and I returned home from a day of Christmas shopping to find a large portion of our neighbor's yard engulfed in flames right up against our fence. This neighbor, a very good friend of ours, is out of town. I knew all of the guys were probably not outside, where they usually spend the majority of their time, since the Heisman Trophy winner was being announced, literally at that moment. (Our guy won.) While I slammed my car in park outside the garage and ran in like lightning for my husband, my little nine-year-old daughter, generally as dainty as any good damsel in distress, had the wherewithal to fetch the fire extinguisher from the kitchen pantry. She ran it to the gate where she stood wisely, waiting for an adult to come and be the one to open it. That fire extinguisher (and her quick thinking, ABSOLUTELY) saved our neighbor's barn, which was the first (and mercifully the only) major structure to catch fire. (Thank you Dad for the extinguisher! It was a thoughtful and most useful "practical gift." It would have ALL been gone without it!) By that time my husband had called our other neighbor to drag out the garden hoses and they put the rest of it down together.

All I can say now is.......

WHEW!

It really does remind me just what grace really is. That God would bring together so many different aspects of awareness from each individual involved in a situation to bless it in the end is ......well, just humbling. From my Dad noticing our absence of an extinguisher three or four years ago to me driving by precisely when the fire had just started to spread. My boys pitched in with dog bowls full of water. I truly do believe with all my heart that it all came together that way just for this very night. There's a little bit of black grass and siding and a couple of melted bar stools (and lessons much better learned), but everything else was spared this day just before Christmas.

I'm not nearly eloquent enough to convey my gratitude.

Especially because I know things DON'T ALWAYS work out in the end. Sometimes homes do burn down during the holidays, divorces proceed because of a cheating spouse (yet another neighbor, for whom my heart is broken), and children spend yet another Christmas in the hospital miles and miles away from home and family.

IF YOU FEEL SO LED, WOULD YOU PLEASE PRAY FOR MY NIECE ASHLEY - AND FOR HER FAMILY.

Ashley has spent every one of her three Christmases since her birth in the hospital, with her mom and without her dad and sister and brother. And instead of getting easier, it's actually just the opposite. While other carefree kids crave the toys and goodies from Santa that most kids naturally do, she only wants home and the familiarity of people who are there to love her and enjoy her, rather than poke and prod and take her vitals every hour and otherwise help her in ways that she only has the understanding to interpret as painful. And though her family still finds so very much to be grateful for through it all, it only reminds me all the more how most of us have our health.

Most of us have some sort of family, however it's put together. Most of us have beds to sleep in and enough food to keep from starving and the ability to read a Bible if we will. And freedom still, for now. We really do have it very good.

So very, very, VERY good.

May you each have a blessed and peaceful and wonderful Christmas full of the love of an indescribably graceful Savior.

A Lesson Dropped In My Lap and Blessed From Above

Tonight the children and I ended an absolutely EXHAUSTING day early with our nightly venture through the ABC's of Advent Book we've been reading. I began this evening by apologizing for a nasty argument their father and I had engaged in earlier and hoping, though not very expectantly, that SOMETHING good could be salvaged of our day. Mostly, though, I was just going through the motions, more disappointed than spiritual for the first time since starting this book a week ago.

But as I repented for my behavior earlier in the day, I did pray silently, sleepily, that God would given them something of value for this day to hold onto.

The topic for tonight's Advent lesson was "Earth." It explained so beautifully how God left the perfection and splendor of the Glory of Heaven to come to a flesh-filled world to redeem us. As I spoke of the great Love required to make such a sacrifice, I asked the children if they thought they could do something so selfless for another.

"Yes." They all replied. "If it helped another person get saved."

I appreciated the sweet intentions in their answers, but I wanted them to REALLY GET what a big deal God's manhood was.

"Do you all remember when that missionary came one time and told us about the Mexican trash dump village where hundreds of little children live and spend their days hunting for food within the piles of garbage brought there and the stink?"

They all nodded, obviously interested in how this would all connect.

"Do you remember how we've talked about how the Bible says that NO MATTER WHAT wonderful awesome things you can imagine about how great Heaven is going to be, it's REALLY going to be a hundred million times better than EVEN THAT?!"

"Yes."

"Well, think of our home, then, as Heaven. And the trash dump village as Earth. Because that's about how different Heaven is going to be from our Earth. That's how big of a difference there is. SO, do you think that you would be willing to go live in that trash dump so that those kids could live here, in our home?"

"No." My oldest son wished he could honestly say otherwise.

"Yes, I would!" my daughter enthusiastically spoke up. "Me too!" said my youngest. "It would be cool if they could have a great life because of something that I could do for them."

I admired their compassion. But I took it a step further.

"Would you do it for your worst enemy? The one who always makes fun of you and leaves you out on the playground and talks about you behind your back? Because the Bible says that Christ did all this for us WHILE WE WERE YET SINNERS. Would you let somebody mean like that have your bedroom, while you eat days old scraps and live with the rats?"

"No!" my son laughed. "THAT would just be too hard." But my sweet angel girl, with all the good intentions one heart can hold insisted, "I would. I really would. But only if it made them be able to go to Heaven, like the reason Jesus did it."

"Yeah, me too." My son changed his mind.

"O.K." I said. "I want you both to get dressed very warmly and go outside onto the back patio and see if you can sleep there tonight, just so you can TRULY understand and actually FEEL what Jesus went through for us to be able to go to Heaven."

They were giddy. This meant they would be up past bedtime. And besides, it was just too fun to try.

"Can we take out our tents and stuffed animals?" my son asked.

"Nope. The kids in the trash dumps don't have that stuff unless they find it. You are welcome to use anything you can find in the back yard though. Whatever you have to do to stay warm or feel comfortable."

"Can we take a blanket?" asked my daughter.

"You can use the dogs'. It's a used one just like they find in the trash dumps."

Their excitement tapered off just a bit, but still they bounded out enthusiastically.

My oldest son stayed inside with me while we began to plan his upcoming Bowl Game Birthday Bash. From inside, we could hear laughter and games for about the first ten minutes. We heard them play with our dogs as they agreed that trash dumps would have stray animals lurking around. But very quickly thereafter, it got seriously quiet. So we giggled and waited. About 6 minutes later, the door finally opened, but then it shut just as suddenly.

Another four minutes passed when two exhausted and nearly frozen little future missionaries scurried back inside. "It's FREEZING out there!" my daughter declared as though we should be utterly shocked. "We're just going to warm up for a second, then we'll go back out."

"But Faith," I said. "Jesus didn't just return to Heaven for a break whenever things got really tough. And he didn't just stay on the Earth for a night. He did it for 33 years! You have the kindest heart of just about anyone I know, but would you REALLY be willing to trade lives with those children, to live away from Daddy and I and your friends and your grandparents in that trash dump? Or would you agree that what Jesus did was FAR TOO REMARKABLE for us to ever come close to loving as good as He does?"

"Well, I DO want those kids to get saved and get to hear about Jesus like us, Momma. But Jesus DID do a miracle that we could never do. When I think about that, I can't see how ANYBODY could love somebody that much."

"But He did, Sweetie." I told her. "He loves you."

"Yeah. That should warm me up pretty quick!"

And so does the way God can turn a day around. He sure did mine.

A Lil' Of This; A Dash O' That

I miss blogging.

There has been so much happen in our family the past few months that has changed and grown us both as individuals and as a family. I miss recording all of the ups and downs that are making us who we are at this very moment. Of course, giving up this habit temporarily has also allowed me to continue to be PRESENT for my family while I'm having to devote so much more time to other areas that I wasn't before. And it's paying off. I am so much happier and lighter this holiday season than I was last year. God has done great things and even the burdens I have been able to view mostly as worthy lessons.

Despite a failing economy, hard decisions, and a lot of tiring work - life is good. I hope to be able to write again about it all soon. And by soon, I mean maybe Spring. Things like my youngest son and I losing a tooth on the same day. (Hee hee - mine was a baby tooth that has no permanent underneath; his was from riding off the end of a drainage tunnel he didn't see - that's his 3rd tooth lost in 3 separate accidents. The neighbors were almost appalled at my sense of calm, but I'm just used to it. :) He is all boy for sure!)

We also took our first week-long vacation EVER as a family! We have NEVER had that many days off before. We drove to the top of Pike's Peek, my favorite spot on planet Earth!! (However, I did not DRIVE it last time! I just wish I could show you a picture of how DEATHLY TERRIFYING that is, but my hands were absolutely melded to the steering wheel and could not be pried off. Let's just say that it made coming back down the mountain with hot brakes and no low gear to speak of seem like a piece of cake!) And I'm not even afraid of heights. My fear is more about thin, unpaved roads with no guardrails and no peripheral vision because of the steepness of the incline. But anyway.......

Let's see. There was the lesson of letting go as my children mourned each of the 9 puppies we gave away. Many tears. Sweet hearts. And some joy at getting to be used to bless others and look upon their grateful faces. We kept the "second runt." (The one who grew the slowest, but not the one who was left alone at first because she was attached to the afterbirth. He is exceptionally smart!) Then we traded him for the big dumb lovable loaf that was promised to our next door neighbor because it just seemed to each of us that we had each other's dog. You know how you just know? So, officially our new black lab puppy (who weighs in at nearly 20 pounds already!) is heretofore known as "Sampson," because he's super strong and blind (not medically, he just misses a lot) and favored. We love him so much.

Also we've been to visit Focus On The Family and the Air Force Academy (my oldest was in fully-saturated Heaven!), praising God because we love our school SO MUCH, getting EXCITED about Christmas hoopla for the first time in 4 years!, cleaning out files we've waited to organize for 5 years! (YAAAAAY!!! I'm getting my life back!!), hosted my son's UTTERLY CRAZY AND ABSOLUTELY CHAOTIC "very best Birthday Party EVER!", visiting a WONDERFUL new church, doing consulting work and researching steps to begin a photography business, re-establishing several really old lost friendships, and I've been getting much closer to two women I previously only knew casually after I prayed and prayed and pleaded and begged God for a "Jonathan friend." There have been lower moments too, but today I'm feeling too hopeful to care to recount those.

So, I'll just get these out there because I thought they were so good and I don't want to forget:

Not sure where I read this but it certainly stuck -

"If the mountain was completely smooth, you couldn't climb it."

Good, huh?

And lastly, I heard today on the radio about a company CEO, who in the midst of the this economic mess, while other CEO's are having to relearn what's realistic in a recession (i.e. - driving a car as opposed to flying a private jet), did something entirely different. He chose to spend a big hunk of his company's regular advertising budget to air a national television ad that reminds us all to Love God and Love One Another. That's it. It doesn't even mention his products. We have long had a phrase in our home "People Over Projects" meaning to remember to stop your to-do list when someone else is hurting, even emotionally. It matters more. And after Black Friday's events at the New York Walmart, I guess this guy was really hurt by those events and decided to spend his ad budget to declare "People Over Product" as well. So, if you have to replace that old car battery because you can't afford to upgrade in this down turned economy, think about buying an INTERSTATE BATTERY from this CEO with a big ole' heart.

Have a Very Merry Wonderful Christmas and a warm Winter as well!